Eternal-E

HELP, I SPENT ALL MY PREP TIME MAKING THIS. I think we're streaming this in a few minutes. (Also, Crystara is still around???) 🎨 StarlyFinnection

🪻🪻🪻 I’m not really fond of secrecy followed by a sudden announcement (this may or may not come as a shock since how long this has lasted already) but I’ve been heavily considering retiring if not going on a several month real hiatus. I won’t be graduating as Crystara because that’s not quite how I work. I was always going to be Crystara whether I streamed or not, because she’s core to my very soul and I won’t let anything change that. I’ll be me, and everything I dream to be. It’s the acceptance and love of friends that have made that dream come true and helped me find love in myself and who I am spiritually. I’ve been in a constant battle of burning myself out to keep going while also somehow also being constantly on breaks. It’s really hurt being told I reap what I sow taking time off when I haven’t truly stopped at any point. They haven’t been breaks, they’ve been me poorly confessing I can’t keep up with a full time job, therapy, active streaming as well as projects outside. I’d have to leave the stage to work on my designs, commissions and events, debuts taking so much time and setting unrealistically high expectations. I’ve been trying my absolute hardest to make everything work and I’ve finally gone lax on streaming, being present, and an inspiring VTuber. I’ve taken it off my mind to not only relax but face some scary life choices and protect my dearest relationship. If there’s at least a chance to healthily continue streaming, I think it comes with opening up about this and accepting whatever follows. I can’t keep setting expectations to be perfect when I’m not. I experimented in the past with breaking my schedule (and being very dramatic about it) at the worst time when it was because I simply couldn’t do it. Personally, I’ve relatively found little cost in diverging from the routine of schedule and it’s removed pressure to be free, fit, prepared and excitable for streams and the shame of cancelling and give a positive approach to making good streams happen rather than cancelling bad ones. I will be looking to take lots of time out and should I continue streaming, we’ll try something akin to now. I talk about it a lot but perfectionism can be a real bane to living when it tells you to be 100% perfect 100% of the time or you’re nothing. Accept that your spirit and drive is wonderful and you care about what you do. You’ve probably worked incredibly hard to get where you are and not been fair on yourself to look back and see how far you’ve come. Cherish and don’t see your past successes be disappointed, see them happy you achieved what you have and support yourself. I love you flowers, especially for sticking through so much with me. 🩵