John Landry

Oh boy. Trump’s Doral rally tonight was a doozy. Let’s recap it: He started off by bragging about his golf course instead of apologizing for being an hour late and leaving people waiting all day under a heat advisory. He said he didn’t know what NATO was. He bragged that “being indicted is a lot of fun.” He claimed “tens of thousands” of people showed up to this sad little rally. He later said “45,000 people” when it barely looked like 2k people were there. He froze like a deer in headlights for 10 straight seconds. He praised Laura Loomer and repeatedly called her “amazing.” He’s mad that Kamala Harris laughs and called her “L-a-f-f-i-n’ Kamala,” proving what we already knew that bro can’t spell. He said he wants a “no holds barred” debate without moderators this week. Essentially the two of them screaming at each other. Super dumb idea. Especially when Biden is hosting the NATO summit. He also challenged President Biden to a golf tournament this week when President Biden is busy meeting with NATO leaders and doing his job. He said Biden “doesn’t know what a synagogue is.” He thinks you have to stop electric cars every hour. He complained about the heat only 16 minutes in, when those people waited all day and he still showed up an hour late. He said someone told him that he looks “great in a bathing suit.” Barf. He called the fictional Hannibal Lecter “a lovely man” and compared him to immigrants. He said migrants are “preying on everybody.” He forgot how to say “feared” and said “field.” He said he’d be the “greatest president that God has ever created.” He claimed Hunter Biden is running the country. He babbled about facelifts. He said he was going to bring Tom Homan back into his administration, a guy who helped author Project 2025 which he claims to know nothing about. He claimed Biden has more homes than him. He said we’ll become “energy independent” when we already are right now. He complained some more about the hot weather. He asked why “sweaty” golf caddies “never touched me, never hugged me, never kissed me.” He made fun of Chris Christie’s weight while claiming he was standing up for him. Mighty rich. He said the U.S. is turning into “communist Cuba or socialist Venezuela.” He struggled to pronounce some of his sycophants’ names. He called Don Jr. “a great talent” and that he has a “great wife” even though he’s not married to Kimberly Guilfoyle. He said how much he loves his family showing up when his wife Melania and favorite daughter Ivanka didn’t even bother going. He said “October 7th would not have happened” if he was President. He said Israel “had no money.” He said “we have nuclear submarines and five warships in Cuba,” essentially calling himself a Russian. He said Biden has abandoned Cuba when he was the one who nixed Obama’s plan to reopen trade and travel to Cuba. He said people get “shot, mugged, raped” when visiting the Washington Monument in DC. He said he will protect the second amendment and “innocent life” in the same breath. He told people to “vote whenever you want.” He played a song performed by J6 insurrectionists and people who beat up police officers. He read his teleprompter cue to speak quickly out loud. He said that getting rid of energy efficiency in appliances will “keep our enemies at bay.” He called the United States of America “a third-world country” and said we’re “a joke.” He said President Biden “isn’t legally allowed to stand trial.” He’s claiming that the stock market is high because of MAGA winning the election in November, and that it will crash like during the Great Depression if he loses. He said it’s “easier to get fentanyl than groceries.” He forgot how to say the word “economy.” He said he’d rather take money from small dollar donors instead of the wealthy. He said they’re “going to take over our Capitol.” He lied like he breathes. And we all know the media won’t cover HALF of this absolute train wreck.