&rew

babe what’s wrong you’ve barely self-destructed today ?

Alexa , turn off the light behind my eyes

just went crazy mode on an email

What people often fail to consider is that I’m on the brink of doing something Truly Evil

This is where I tweet from

picking up someone from the airport feels like slavery

*guy who is causing civilization to collapse* we have to stop civilization from collapsing

My dating history: CIA plant CIA plant CIA plant Girl from Twitter

the microsplastics from Keurig pods made me democrat

i could not date a girl whose dad isn’t at least kinda hot

hey i sent you a 30 question google sheets survey about how I came across at the party last time. could you get back to me?

I could easily survive a mass extinction event

this Zoom meeting could have been a bullet wound

when i was a kid my parents let me wear roller skates to school one day because it was the only way i could would agree to go. shortly thereafter, psychiatrist

who else up startled awake by prophetic dreams

Can’t stop thinking about how sad this sign made me earlier

i feel like opus 5.5 is constantly saying “you’ve done so much, let’s call it a day” all day long. european sensibilities

*guy who is gonna take so so much more* I can’t fucking take it