Fullstack Developer at #Medicare
localhost, Portugal
Joined April 2008
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this could easily be a Netflix mini-series… 🍿
Security called me at 6:12 AM today.
"Patch every PHP server immediately."
I asked what happened.
"Two critical vulnerabilities. Remote code execution. No authentication required."
Cool.
How many PHP servers do we have?
According to inventory: 12
According to reality:
Nobody knows.
We found one running WordPress.
Three running old internal tools.
One under someone's desk.
Two inside vendor appliances.
A forgotten employee directory from 2016.
And a server named:
PHP-OLD-DO-NOT-TOUCH
Naturally, that one runs payroll exports.
Then we found a PHP 5.6 box.
I asked who owned it.
The documentation said:
BRIAN.
Brian left in 2019.
We called Brian.
He said:
"Oh wow, that's still running?"
Excellent.
By 8 AM, leadership joined the incident call.
CEO:
"Can hackers actually get in?"
Security:
"Potentially yes."
CEO:
"Without a password?"
Security:
"Yes."
CEO:
"Then why do WE need passwords?"
Not the lesson.
Finance asked if we could wait until the weekend to patch because downtime affects revenue.
Security explained that the alternative was letting strangers execute code on our servers.
Finance asked for a cost comparison.
At 9:17, someone suggested temporarily taking the vulnerable websites offline.
Marketing refused.
"Our campaign is live."
So for the next hour, the company officially decided maintaining a landing page for 20% off webinar registration was more important than preventing remote server takeover.
We finally patched everything we could find.
Then our scanner discovered another PHP server.
Hostname:
TEMP-PHP-2014
Uptime:
4,512 days.
Nobody knows what it does.
Nobody owns it.
Nobody can shut it down.
But every time we block network access, the warehouse stops printing shipping labels.
Security has classified it as critical infrastructure.
It is running PHP 5.4.
The vulnerability has existed longer than half our employees.
The emergency patch took four hours.
Finding out what PHP actually runs took eleven.
The internet isn't held together with code.
It's held together with servers everyone is afraid to turn off.
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if this PHP vulnerability allows remote code execution, doesn't that mean we can use the vulnerability to auto-patch all vulnerable servers?
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🎥 SUBMIT YOUR TALK
This year, your proposal starts on camera. Tell us who you are, pitch your talk idea, and show us why you want to bring it to Laracon EU.
👉 laracon.eu/submit-your-talk
150 photos in 20 seconds.
I may have had a problem at Laracon.EU 😅
can you spot yourself? 👀
more reels here 👇
instagram.com/caneco
I can spot easily… @PovilasKorop @_ana_lisboa_ @samsappenfield1 @IanLandsman @zuzana_kunckova @CodingWisely
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@taylorotwell casually shipping a broken app online. The app triggers an alert, which triggers opencode which writes a fix, pushes a PR, then OpenClaw calls Taylor BY PHONE on stage, who responds « merge it », and the fix is merged and deployed. All in 2 minutes, live on stage 😂
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⚠️ We're one week away from Laracon.EU 2026.
Almost time to board for two days in Amsterdam and ship with the Laravel community 🔥
Don't miss out → laracon.eu/last-tickets
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📢 The schedule for Laracon.EU is live.
See what's happening throughout the event: talks, timings, everything.
Explore the full agenda → laracon.eu/schedule
[status update]
💧💧💧 stopped at 60h (12h short of goal)
a lot happened since my last check-in 🌩️ and while it was an incredible experience I'd repeat, I listened to my body and called it.
no ego, just pragmatic… here's what made me stop 👇
