Patrick Thomas

My spidey-sense is tingling. Wait, you mean it shouldn't feel like that when I pee?

Let's get this party started

L.A. face with the Oakland bootie

As a side note: planning weddings makes me want to strangle baby animals

The misses is shopping for shoes from some kind of wedding mountain.

It's been a while...

Oh hi twitter

I love Donald Glover, but I can't get into his rap. I keep expecting there to be comedy involved, but then I am let down when it's serious.

I think the girl next to me is now playing one of those Friskies iPad games for your cat. #fb

There is a child wandering the aisle yelling " zizza zye zyne" over and over and over.

Wow, my shirt caught on fire fast!

I guess I'll just have to make my own torch here.

Awww, am I missing Olympic things?? Womp womp

Oh, she hid the sammich. She must be wise to me. Challenge accepted.

This train should stop less. Just get me to back bay!

Oh em gee she took 2 bites and wrapped it back up. Whore. Just give me the fucking sammich.

Also I'm hungry.

And yes, that tweet tool 3 tries to get right.

Hey girl sitting next to me on the train: share your subway sammich with me as stupid me did not eat today.

Things!