Wheatdaddy

Harry Potter fans: I wanna go to Hogwarts. Narnia fans: I wanna go to Narnia. Hunger Games fans: Nope I'm good.

"One Direction" has 12 letters. So does gayyyyyyyyyy. Coincidence? I think not.

Two blondes were driving to Disneyland. The sign said: Disneyland Left. So they took a left turn and had an enjoyable time.

Why did the bear turn red? Because he was emBEARessed. Nah just kidding a hunter shot him.

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Just kidding, I don't know what he got. He can't open it.

What do friends and trees have in common? They will fall over if you hit them repeatedly with an axe.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

Have you heard of the new movie called "Constipation"? It hasn't come out yet.

#SingleBecause I am not in a relationship.

I like how ninja turtles wear masks, good way to hide your identity. It's not like you're a giant fucking turtle or anything.

SCIENCE FACT: If you took out all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.

Call me an astronaut because i'm about to visit Uranus

I farted in the Apple store and everyone got pissed. Not my fault they don't have Windows.