I need a thug car wash. Just some hard ass, handsome ass street dudes washing my car.

I'm too fat for this

The job market is so bad my friend with a poop degree can't even find a job

My friend keeps accusing the black guy of being the killer at our murder mystery night and it's making really uncomfortable because he isn't even playing

Wore my experimental fit to work and got written up

Don't hand me no protein alfredo

Wait I thought pedophile was just a word for someone you don't like, nobody told me it meant a diddy ass blud 😭😭😭

Nah this TurboTax update is actually a whole ass vibe

Yeah I'm gonna do the quiet on the greek salad

Can you please just send

It's kinda like we combined the fashion with this rap shit

She like how I smell, cologne

Me: Wassup bro good morning My coworker: You do realize the ham on your sandwich is the conglomeration of about 300 different pigs' ground up meat and organs

So you ain't see Drake shit? You ain't see Curry shit? You ain't see Big Sean shit? You ain't see DaBaby shit?

Build a shoegaze outfit with me as a 33 year old predator living in Brooklyn