C. Amadiugo N.

I want people to actually read this entire exchange because it perfectly illustrates something much bigger than dating. Her argument is, “If men are listening to women, why aren’t they using that info to become the men women want?” I explained that a man can listen, understand perfectly, and use that information to become more selective, pursue less, establish different boundaries or simply decide he disagrees. Watch how the standard moves throughout the conversation, Listen -> understand -> apply -> apply it in a way that benefits women. If he hears her, understands her argument, processes the information and reaches a different conclusion, his understanding is treated as defective. This is why so many conversations between men and women go nowhere. “You don’t understand me” often times really means “you understood me, but you didn’t arrive at the conclusion I wanted.” And this is exactly why my original point matters, men are listening. Social media has given men unprecedented access to women openly discussing everything pertaining to dating, sex & relationships. The mistake is assuming that greater understanding of women would automatically make men more accommodating toward women. Sometimes information creates empathy and sometimes it makes you more cautious, less idealistic, more selective and changes who you’re willing to pursue altogether. You cannot demand that men listen to women and then invalidate what they learned because you don’t like what they did with the information. Ironically, the reaction to men changing their behavior may be the strongest evidence that men were listening all along.