Owner of Stallard & Co, firm of accountants & tax advisors. Proud father of three amazing daughters.
Chelmsford
Joined June 2011
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Andrew Stallard retweeted
Be careful today #snow
It snowed last night...
8:00 am: I made a snowman.
8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.
8:22 - The transgender man..women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.
8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .
8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.
8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
8:45 - TV news crew from BBC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.
9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.
9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.
By noon it all melted
Moral:
There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes
Andrew Stallard retweeted
If it was Doku blocking Raya, Arsenal fans would be filing petitions right now
Andrew Stallard retweeted
Makes you miss the Liverpool vs. Manchester City title races.
Attacking, free flowing, integrity defining football.
Mikel Arteta’s 24/25 Arsenal are the downright most disgusting, morally unsound, corrupt team I have ever seen play in the recent era.
Playing defensive football is one thing — faking injuries, constantly stopping and delaying restarts, injuring opponents, time wasting is something else.
It’s against the integrity of the game. Thank you Pep Guardiola.
Today Manchester City showed karma is real, and Arsenal still lack the bottle, despite all their black magic tactics.
Andrew Stallard retweeted
It is not about Arsenal playing defensive football. That is not a problem.
The issue is monumental cheating and unsportsmanlike behaviour.
— Faking injuries near the end of the game to time waste.
— Their set pieces tactics consist of fouling the oppositions goalkeeper.
— Intentionally injuring the opposition’s key player off the ball (twice).
— Constantly stopping restarts.
Andrew Stallard retweeted
A little girl was leaning into a lion's cage.
Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, all under the eyes of her screaming parents.
A biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl, and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
A BBC reporter, Laura Kuenssberg, had watched the whole event.
Laura, addressing the Harley rider says. "Sir, this was the most gallant and bravest thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.”
The Harley rider replies. "Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.”
Miss Kuenssberg. "Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a BBC journalist and tomorrow's news will run this story. So, what do you do for a living, and what political affiliation do you have?”
The biker replies. "I'm a Israeli Army veteran, a Conservative and I voted for Brexit.”
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker turns on BBC News to see if it indeed brings news of his actions.
BBC Headline: FAR RIGHT, IDF VETERAN ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH.
And THAT pretty much sums up the BBC's approach to the news these days....
Andrew Stallard retweeted
In 1995, 14 wolves were released in Yellowstone National Park. No one expected the miracle that the wolves would bring
[📹 Protect All Wildlife]
Andrew Stallard retweeted
Arsenal's man of the match
teapawt.net/TrollFbMedia/status/17…
Andrew Stallard retweeted
Eric Dier has now reached as many Champions League semi-finals as Arsenal have in their entire history 🫣
talksport.com/football/18289…
