To be clear, Twitter suspended @AmazonStatus, I would assume at Amazon's request. As if the tone of the tweets wasn't obvious parody.

Hey, @AmazonStatus fans! Due to Twitter's arcane policies and "shoot first ask questions later" policy, this is our new face. Thank Twitter.

We are aware Amazon S3 is currently dog-shit slow. However, we're pretending not to notice so we don't have to edit the status page. Shhh.

We're still here, don't worry. We're cooking up the next big downtime, and we want to make sure we get it right this time.

The majority of affected EC2 instances with no impaired EBS volumes attached have been recovered. By "majority," we mean everybody but you.

For updates regarding AWS service health, please refresh our dashboard constantly, and keep clicking the same incident over and over again.

Thank you for your constant requests for a postmortem regarding the power outage. Once we agree upon what to tell you, we will let you know.

To ensure your load balancer is routing traffic properly, be sure to check the API results carefully. State may be inaccurately reflected.

Approximately 50% of impacted instances and 33% of impacted volumes have been recovered. Once we finish Netflix, we'll post an update.

We're pleased to announce Reduced Redundancy EBS, with a surprise! What you know as "EBS" was a beta test for reduced redundancy all along.

Due to the power outage, some EBS volumes may have bad data. Rather than fix it, we've thoughtfully documented a bunch of shit work for you.

Want to set the record straight here; we reserve the red icon on the status console for "real" disruptions. We have yet to use it.

EC2 and EBS APIs are currently experiencing elevated error rates. Because ya'all impatient. Stop rebooting. Just stop it. Get a coffee.

Contrary to what you might have heard on Hacker News, Netflix is not down. They're beta testing Elastic Spot Uptime. Give it a try!

Lots of it.

We found the keys to the generator and power has been restored to the impacted Availability Zone. Larry, please stop at Arco and get diesel.

We can finally confirm a bunch of instances lost power due to electrical storms. We wanted to be extra sure the power was out. Hard to tell.

We're investigating elevated error rates for APIs, and some instances are down in a single AZ. We're mostly investigating the APIs, though.

The issue has been resolved and the service is operating normally. We understand that your EBS data might be corrupt. Operating normally.

Connectivity has been restored to the affected subset of EC2 instances. New instances are launching normally. Your instance is still fucked.