Allison

FaceTiming w my mom while she’s at work: Her friends in the background: “oh, is that ur daughter? Is this the smart one or the pretty one” My mom, nervously: “haha what, they’re both smart AND pretty” *whispers to the side* this is the smart one

The minute Apple starts including how many (1) alarms you set each morning and (2) how many times you hit snooze in the weekly screen report we are dunnnfor

People who flex on getting enough protein from their diet, I get it, you’re better than me!!!

Me to me I dare you to start and finish one single task in one go without getting distracted

Women on the internet are cracking eggs on their boyfriends foreheads and it’s making me laugh

Submerge my body in a hot tub of coffee is on my bucket list

Me, every time a new song comes on, on the playlist that I curated #ShitThatIsFresh

Capital one is such a pick me girl “please confirm your recent purchase” babe stop lol you look desperate

My Yiayia is telling me what year she bought furniture and decor and for how much and from where

You’re either a person who would go into space and possibly never come home simply because you’re curious or you’re not* *normal

Trader Joe’s earl grey is the la croix of earl grey ☹️

You guys think Taylor swift gets wedgies on stage? If so, you think she picks em or muscles through?

Am I being productive or am I just actively avoiding one very specific task that should have already been completed. who could say.

Kind of need phoebe wallers bridge to go through something so we can have fleabag 3

Diet Coke first thing is the morning ppl are scary

If you’re not mixing your yogurt before you eat it or scoop some out of the container, you are a chaotic person, your life is pure chaos.

I have never found a four leaf clover and I am starting to take it personally

It’s wild that our house and state representatives spend time shooting “witty” jabs back and forth at each other through twitter. Do your fucking jobs sheesh

I keep seeing white ladies on tik tok drinking balsamic vinegar with la croix and I’m going to say it: this is too far

One thing about me is that I *will* be getting a glass of wine at the airport