Ace Magazine

Every time I post these videos l, I patient on wait for the comments just to see how empathetic and thoughtful but it’s been quite interesting. THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG READ… WALK WITH ME More often than not, people judge, curse and accuse the folks asking questions (ain’t gon lie, a few times, I’ve find myself doing this as well). The goal is for people to reflect and introspect. Most times, we judged something we’re not experiencing because we always believe we would do better if we found ourselves in those situations. But let me be honest with you, I’ve been a psychologist for over a decade and I can tell you without mincing words, I’ve heard worse than anything you’ll hear on this pod and 99.9% of the time, people who go through these things always believed they’d would do better. I have had situations where you’re having a conversation with clients and working through issues that they themselves are listing and outlining and for some reason, they still don’t see it. Even when you point it to them, they make excuses and paint it out as if you’re the villain. I’ve had a few clients I had gazillion sessions with and nothing changed until things went south and became life threatening before they were able to see any of the things I was trying to help them see in all the sessions we had. You Are Not Always Better Than The People You Judge One of the most consequential mistakes people make is assuming that because they have witnessed someone else’s terrible relationship experience, they are automatically equipped to make better relationship decisions. You see a woman repeatedly returning to an emotionally abusive partner and wonder how she could be so foolish. You see a man tolerating disrespect, infidelity and emotional manipulation and conclude that you would never be that desperate. You listen to stories of people enduring relationships that have clearly become detrimental to their psychological well-being and wonder why they simply cannot walk away. But here is an uncomfortable psychological reality: Knowing what is wrong does not automatically mean you possess the psychological capacity to avoid it when you encounter it yourself. Our adulthood is, to a considerable extent, an expression of our childhood experiences. The family systems we grew up in, the attachment patterns we developed, the emotional needs that were neglected, the conflicts we witnessed and the behaviours we normalised all contribute to our adult relational schemas. In psychology, this is partly explained by attachment theory, childhood conditioning, social learning, internal working models and repetition compulsion. Consider a child who grows up watching one parent constantly apologise to the other, even when they are the victim. They learn that maintaining a relationship requires self-abandonment. Years later, that child becomes an adult who tolerates disrespect, over-apologises and mistakes emotional endurance for commitment. Another child grows up in a home where affection is inconsistent. Sometimes they receive attention, sometimes rejection, and sometimes complete emotional withdrawal. As adults, they may develop an anxious attachment pattern, becoming excessively preoccupied with their partner’s availability. They interpret emotional unpredictability as chemistry and become disproportionately invested in people who offer affection intermittently. This is where intermittent reinforcement becomes relevant. When affection, approval or attention is inconsistently distributed, the unpredictability can intensify emotional attachment. The person begins chasing the next rewarding moment, even when the overall relationship is psychologically damaging.