*sheela na gig emoji*

the omens are good. two buzzards eating skunk guts on a country road. tomorrow I clean the fridge. much fortune.

fashion is: before you leave the house put on one item that is a cry for help

getting old is a gift! from someone who doesn’t know you very well

I’m doing a reverse Heimlich (choking a stranger at a restaurant)

You know that Lot firebombed the homes of the guys who tried to rape his houseguests, right? But it got out of hand and razed Sodom & Gomorrah? Then he killed the only witness to the arson, his wife, in the desert? ok so which brings me back to the importance of a good publicist,

if I was put in a time machine with no technology to the long ago days I could survive using my conceptual understanding of what is a catch-22

the empty pages in my dissertation represent when Jesus typed them for me QED, BYU 🖕

sherlock holmes has correctly deduced that a murder suspect grew up wearing spectacles but has recently gotten corrective surgery based solely on the angle at which they hold their face while french kissing him. he can't live in the moment!

UNIQUE! That’s what you are Stilettos ruining my hors d'oeuvres on the bar

luv 2 live in Suicide World

jets keep flying too low over my house and honking their horns

H*rry St*les is ABSOLUTELY none of my business

watching “Dragon Time” brought to you by Jar Jar Martin

so appaaaaaaarently it's not against federal law to discriminate against a coworker for having no good car ideas

Live LARP Larb