Amandemic

Just saw a TikTok with the caption "if only I was a teen in the early 2000s". What do they think it was like? Cuz let me tell you, it was basically just 9/11, MSN, and burning CDs.

Say what you want about Baby Boomers, but they do know how to stock a kitchen with gadgets and gizmos a plenty.

The way I turn into my father the second I walk into a dollar store.

The season of smirks! #Succession

I left the house!

How *am* I? I cried this morning because it's snowing. Vitamin D gummies just aren't cuttin' it, folks!

I just bought a $20 salad and I only have myself to blame.

I refuse to believe that one toaster is any better than another.

Okay the music supervision in #TheDropout is a ten.

Listen, Queer people just do everything better. The sooner we all get on side with this, the faster everything will get better thank you.

Can't stand to see a really qualified bisexual women perpetually only date cis men after absolutely fucking up a queer situationship.

Only one cis man lives in my small apt complex. It snowed last night, and I'm tempted to remind him that part of doing "the work" is actual physical labour that benefits the women + queer folks in this building, thank you sir.

It irks me to no end to have to admit that Jack Antonoff is a good producer. I'm fine with this being potentially my last tweet.

I joined this stupid app in 2007 when I was convinced by my roommate that it was cool but I thought it was vapid and pointless. Well, it's been...I want to say 'a pleasure' but I would not mean it. 🫡

Sometimes you just gotta publicly drink all afternoon in joggers and a Breaker High hoodie and not give a single shit that you aren't turning a look.

What's hard to grapple with sometimes is that all of this *gestures broadly* is completely made up.

Stuff is too expensive, no?

I'm just doin' drugs (microdosing), havin' sex (the gay kind), and driving around in expensive cars (single day rental). This is the closest to a rock star I'll ever be!

May I recommend a glass of wine at 2pm on a Monday at a café bar as you listen to House music and write the short story you've been threatening to finish for months? 10/10.

Listen, I drank MTV branded seltzers all night but a hot babe told me I was cute so in the end it was worth it.