im sorry for all of this pathetic stuff

this is all i have left what am i supposed to do man my woodshop was the only thing that made sense i just wanted to work hard bring good into the world make it a little less painful for us i've been figuring it out people are happy it feels better but i couldn't do it in time

4 days. $14,954.14. Without it I lose my home I run my business from home. 8 years building my shop. 7 month stretch of job loss, losing her & depression, now in a position to lose it all I am not owed anything. But I need a miracle. Please god. Anyone. Anything. I need help

if anyone would like my project State of Me please let me know. It's about 3 years worth of work. 25-30,000 lines of code. I stopped making art a while ago. I'm sorry. I fear that part of me may be gone forever. Unless some miracle happens I'll have to liquidate most of my things in the near future anyways. I wouldn't be able to code even if I wanted to. It's probably not worth anything. I just want it to go somewhere it would maybe have a chance at being alive and becoming something instead of having it fade away with me

Really glad I survived long enough to experience the part of history where rage baiting via a fake AI prompt is now considered art, and easily commands a sale in the mid 5 figure range. I don't know when it became this way, but more and more art feels less about self expression and more about churning out useless digital engagement slop to feed the algorithm while simultaneously ensuring the medium used to generate said engagement is as toothless, inoffensive and vague as possible. The focus less about the art, more about straddling the line of being loud enough to draw attention and keep an artist and their brand in the spotlight while also ensuring they cross no real boundaries that may cause pushback and tarnish their precious follower count or the money flowing in. Maybe I'm just jaded. Maybe it's the fact that I spent the last 3 years surviving hell to write 40,000 lines of code. Spilling what little I have left of my sanity out onto pages and js, sharing it in hopes of finding some kind of truth. Creating in hopes of connecting with people. Allowing myself to dig, to be vulnerable in hopes of creating something genuine. Leaving a decade long abusive relationship, going deaf, losing the last of my family, daily chronic pain, watching my dog die, watching my physical health collapse, losing my job, having my project essentially canned as I watched the scheduled platform go bankrupt in real time, and spiraling fully into the most severe depression of my life. Just last week the only woman I've ever really loved walked out after 2 years because she just couldn't deal with living in the gravitational field of my life that is the inevitable destruction of anything good. I am now completely and entirely alone, fully lacking in the last, most precious thing I had - human touch from a person I truly loved. And now I will in short order likely be homeless. Maybe it is that. Or maybe this work just isn't very good. Maybe watching sums of money that would save the lives of so many people be kicked around like a fucking hacky sack for funsies is my last straw. I am not owed anything. I was tired. Now I am just numb. Perhaps seeing this was the breaking point that cracked open some last bit of clarity so I can apologize to everyone for failing them. And to say that despite my life collapsing, I am still here, at least for today, and I am still trying to dig for any speck of hope I can find. Or maybe it's just better to sit back and watch the last of everything simply fade away. Who knows anymore.

if i had but one wish as a creator, it would be to someday, if only briefly, occupy the realm of talent, knowledge and grace that elegantly combine to create something as beautiful as this

the sun/the weight #p5js #genart

good morning team #p5js #genart

am #p5js #genart

separation/anxiety #p5js #genart

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PIP #p5js #genart

entry #p5js #genart

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alberta #p5js #genart