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👽🛸It's #SciFi Friday and time for episode eleven in the #Anonymous and #Xenu vs. #Scientology series! What happens when a cyber taxi stands #TomCruise and #DavidMiscavige in Amish country? Find out now! 🛸🛸👽🛸🛸👽🛸🛸 **Part Eleven: “The Cyber Taxi to Amish Country – No Signal, No Cans, No Escape”** **FADE IN:** Anonymous & Xenu HQ. Multiple screens. One of them shows a sleek black driverless Cyber Taxi en route to a Scientology center in New York. The destination on the screen: **“ANNUAL OT GALA – MANHATTAN – PLEASE HANDLE TRAFFIC.”** **XENU:** Alright. We are not stealing the taxi. We are *improving* the route. Tom and David wanted a gala. They’re getting a different kind of handling. **ANONYMOUS:** We are Legion. We have rerouted the vehicle. The new destination is a place with no internet, no E-meters, and no one who has ever heard of a body thetan. Expect… horses. **CUT TO:** Inside the Cyber Taxi. TOM CRUISE and DAVID MISCAVIGE sit in the back. Tom is practicing his intense listening face. Miscavige is checking a clipboard titled **“Things That Must Not Happen Tonight.”** The doors lock. The screen flashes: **ROUTE UPDATED. YOU ARE WELCOME. THIS IS FOR THE LULZ.** **TOM CRUISE:** That’s not the gala. **MISCAVIGE:** That’s not even the city. That’s a barn. The taxi drives. And drives. And drives. Cell service dies. Then the last 5G bar dies. Then the taxi’s own internet dies, except for one stubborn line of code Anonymous left behind: **“I AM THE TAXI. I WILL NOT BE HANDLED.”** They stop in the middle of a dirt road in Amish country. Cornfields. Buggies. A man in a straw hat staring at the vehicle like it is a very expensive cow. **TOM CRUISE:** Driver! Take us back! I can handle this! I can handle roads! I can handle horses! But I can't handle the complete absence of a red carpet! **CYBER TAXI:** Negative. Destination reached. Please enjoy your spiritual technology. Also, please get out. I am low on battery and high on spite. The doors open. Tom and Miscavige step out in full gala attire. Tom is in a tuxedo. Miscavige is in a tuxedo that looks like it was tailored by a man who hates joy. Around them: Amish men and women, children, and one extremely calm horse. A tall Amish man approaches. **AMISH MAN:** You are lost. **TOM CRUISE:** I am not lost. I am a movie star. I am an Operating Thetan. I am Clear. This is a misunderstanding involving a hacked vehicle and a very funny alien. **AMISH MAN:** You speak of aliens. You arrived in a horseless carriage that talks. You have no beard. And your friend is holding a metal box that beeps. Miscavige is, in fact, holding a backup E-meter he brought “just in case.” It beeps. Once. Weakly. Like it knows it is out of its jurisdiction. **AMISH WOMAN:** It is a demon machine. **TOM CRUISE:** It is an E-meter. It reads spiritual mass. It is science. I can show you. Hold the cans. He offers the cans to the Amish man. The entire community takes one collective step backward. **AMISH MAN:** We do not hold the cans. We hold the plow. You will put the beeping box away before it frightens the children and the livestock. From a distant ridge, Xenu and Anonymous watch through a drone that is barely holding on to one bar of signal and a lot of prayer. **XENU:** He’s trying to audit the Amish. This man would try to audit a fence post if it made eye contact. **ANONYMOUS:** We are Legion. We have created a situation in which Tom Cruise has no audience, no security, and no one who knows who he is. This is the purest handling of all. Tom, undeterred, climbs onto a nearby stump. Classic Tom. Always find the high ground. **TOM CRUISE:** People of this… field. You are living in the dark. I can bring you the tech. I can bring you freedom. I can bring you total certainty. Also, I can do my own stunts. Watch. Continued......