Text me if it’s urgent, call me if it’s funny

I was very lonely so I bought some shares it’s nice to have a bit of company

i have a pharma joke but its under phase 2 trial

Realised Gains

When you laugh, laugh like hell

Everything in its right place

Did your boyfriend tell u that you’re looking beautiful today or do I have to do it? LMK ;)

Babe you’ll figure it out like u always do

On weekends my body functions at 0.6x and on long weekends it functions at 0.01x

Gym after office is for warriors

Wake up! it’s the first of the month

every time u repost my tweet i need royalty btw

Life teaches a lot but I forget everything

Sleepy at 10 pm but sleeping at 1 am

What’s the point of someone being named Happy if they only make u sad?

🫶🏼 (it doesn’t mean that I’m sending u heart, it basically represents me chocking ur neck)

When someone ask me what’s wrong but idk bcz idk and idk but I feel so idk

If u catch me smiling at my phone, I’m the funny one not them

Lock in krne wala lock kaha milta hai?

Something is wrong w me I always get caught doing the right thing but never when I do something wrong