Anti Jokes

What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing.

I blame everyone for my problems. Except Shaggy, because we all know it wasn't him.

Today I wanted to burn some calories...So I decided to light a fat kid on fire.

My girlfriend changed after she became a vegetarian. It's like I've never seen herbivore.

Did you just fall from heaven? Because your face is fucked up.

How do you make a baby cry? Hit it in the face with a full grown salmon.

How much does a 50 cent concert cost? Around $89.

Want me to talk dirty to you? Mud.

What's big, red and looks like a bucket? A big red bucket.

What did the homeless boy wish for on 11:11? Nothing. He doesn't have a watch.

Did you know that Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.

Why can't Michael Jackson play chess? He's dead.

Whats worse than finding a bug in your salad? Getting anally raped by a Rhinoceros.

You know what makes me smile? Facial muscles.

Molestation is such a touchy subject.

Is this the Krusty Krab? No, this is Patrick.

Why don't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.

Yo mamma's so black, and that's ok. We're all different and unique.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because no cars were coming.

Why couldn't the little boy eat his chocolate? His lips were stapled together.