Nodnarb (@BCMontgo) header
Nodnarb (@BCMontgo) profile picture

Nodnarb

@BCMontgo

Cheats at solitaire.

 Evansville, IN
teapawt.net/search?q=from:BCMontgo/exclude:replies
Joined August 2012
  • Tweets9.3K
  • Following324
  • Followers918
69Media
Photo by Nodnarb (@BCMontgo)Photo by Nodnarb (@BCMontgo)Photo by Nodnarb (@BCMontgo)Photo by Nodnarb (@BCMontgo)Photo by Nodnarb (@BCMontgo)Photo by Nodnarb (@BCMontgo)Photo by Nodnarb (@BCMontgo)Photo by Nodnarb (@BCMontgo)Photo by Nodnarb (@BCMontgo)Photo by Nodnarb (@BCMontgo)
[writing a letter] Dear Letter,
6
446
14
2,459
Wife: Did you switch the laundry? Me: Yeah, I may switch it back though. Wife: Why? Me: *in way too tight shorts* None of your clothes fit me.
1
4
ME: *hiccup* How do I get rid of this? *hiccup* FRIEND: *punches me in stomach* ME: *hiccup* ᵀʰᵃᵗ ᵈᶦᵈⁿ’ᵗ ʰᵉˡᵖ FRIEND: Help with what?
4
164
2
1,283
Nodnarb retweeted
Rads (@_radsy) profile picture
Rads@_radsy22 Jul 2018
[bad day] DEPRESSION: you’re gonna eat an entire box of mac and cheese [good day] ME: I’m gonna eat an entire box of mac and cheese
61
5,197
160
30,462
Memory foam beds are shit for jumping on.
1
4
4
Can't tell if my sunglasses are bent or if my face is just crooked.
2
3
ME: I'm sorry for writing fake dialogue of us on twitter WIFE: *spoon-feeding me caviar* Well at least you have a huge penis
75
10,084
152
69,635
[hospital] ME: {turns off tv} MY DAD: *wakes up from coma* I was watching that.
15
1,259
26
7,286
Nodnarb retweeted
Rads (@_radsy) profile picture
Rads@_radsy6 Jul 2018
[begging for change] POLICE OFFICER: I’m going to have to ask you to leave ME: *slamming fists against claw machine* but I'm SO CLOSE POLICE OFFICER: it’s my turn
6
278
3
1,735
Nodnarb retweeted
marf (@MarfSalvador) profile picture
marf@MarfSalvador4 Jul 2018
dentist: you need to stop eating so much candy me: what? why? dentist: I can't get my hand in your mouth
2
41
2
253
Nodnarb retweeted
Rads (@_radsy) profile picture
Rads@_radsy2 Jul 2018
BARISTA: hey, your drink is on the house today ME: oh, wow BARISTA: yup [awkward pause] ME: could…could you get it down?
19
1,952
35
12,489
me: so there's nothing you can do to help? doctor: no, you're just going to have to live with it I'm afraid me: [takes baby] ugh fine
7
478
11
2,131
[spa] Me: Hi, I'm here for a couples massage. Receptionist: And your partner? Me: Well I’d prefer a female if possible.
3
12
cop: I need you to identify the body me: ok I'm ready cop: [pulls back sheet] me: yes... yes. it's this bit below the neck
9
677
12
3,363
WIFE: I regret getting you that blender for Christmas. ME: {drinking toast} Why?
88
7,325
198
35,218
boss: how was your first day? me: I don't remember it boss: what? me: well I'd literally just been born
11
898
36
3,864
[First date] Her dad: I want her home before midnight Me: but you already own her home Dad: *turning to daughter* if you don't sleep with him, I will
32
4,143
126
14,106
Dinosaur 911: what's ur emer- Dinosaur: I'M BEING ATTACKED BY A GIANT SNAKE Dinosaur 911: same color as you? Dinosaur: YES Dinosaur 911: is it your own tail? Dinosaur: ok, you're gonna laugh
19
1,838
66
6,688
All fun and games until you accidentally slap yourself in the mouth while popping a couple Advil.
2
7
ME: Hey man, little help? GUY IN STALL NEXT TO ME: {slides me toilet paper} ME: No man. {slides calculus homework} What’s the factorial?
6
143
24
932
my dad (1998): win your fights with words, son me (2018): *first day as a firefighter* stop it
129
3
626
Load more