Ashley BANJO W.

Dear makers of Butterfly clips - I would like bats. Please and thank you. Make my spooky little tush happy.

If you're on Instagram - go and follow one of my favorite kids: @conorb74 He lost his initial account. And he lives to scooter. Love that kid 💚🖤

Inaugural sock puppet.

So can I pre-order a copy of the future Highschool history book or nah?

I woke up and had chumbawumba stuck in my head and accidentally brewed my coffee with cumin instead of cinnamon... so this is the year I start Gingko Biloba.

Me: *talking* E: Hey mom- what does Santa say when he doesn't want to listen? Fa-la-bla-bla-bla, blah blah blah blah.

Really cool thing I learned over the weekend: my voice doesn't sound much different on helium.

Sung to the tune of #BSB "Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely": 🎵Show me the meaning of being Mommy Is this the feeling I need caffeine with? Tell me why I'm losing my G-d damn mind My list and keys I can not find. 🎵

What kind of adult am I today? Well - my mom took E out to the beach this morning and she told me to go get some rest... but I have a lot of cleaning to do - so I'm sitting on the couch playing with my phone.

So I'm on #zulily this morning and this pops up... I have questions... and I'm a little upset it doesn't have pockets.

Them: cosmic holographic peel off mask. Me: I WANNA BE A HOLOGRAPH I'm gonna be filled with regrets in 10-15 minutes.

Update: do not put aloe on your backside and sit on leather/pleather furniture. You will stick and you will use curse words when removing your person.

Burned my butt today at the beach. It's gonna hurt to sit. This might be more motivating than my fitbit vibrating and calling me lazy 🤷‍♀️

E: I'm not wearing makeup anymore - boys can't tell me what being a girl is... 'cause DIM THE MAN mom! Me: I think you mean... ya know what, yeah. Dim the Man Em. E: YEAH! DIM THE MAN! #parenting

When your house unicorn is your #mood.

Gettin' real jealous of the amount of times UPS/FedEx stop at my neighbors house every week.

Me: I made it into my size 5 jeans from college for the first time in nearly 9 years *yes I kept them* Also me: CELEBRATE WITH CHIPS