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ABC got a restraining order against Fact. MS NOW called animal control on him. We got him a mug. ☕
Win one free, shipping included: follow @BelowAvgNews, then like + repost this. Bonus entry at the link. Ends Tue 11/10, 1 PM ET.
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Mamdani, Hochul Aides Alarmed To Find Queens Family Surviving Entirely On Money It Earned
Officials fear the family may be suffering from a rare condition known as "a job."
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Bernie Sanders Demands Pause On AI After ChatGPT Asks Why He Owns Three Houses
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One comedian noticed one pair of shorts. Cable news has been live for 72 hours. belowaveragenews.com/api/sha…
As seen on @Whatfinger1 🤣 Ten Failed Election Themes, Including 'Ask Your Doctor If Democracy Is Right For You'
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As seen on @Whatfinger1 🤣 Dad Reads Car Manual For Four Hours To Set Dashboard Clock Back One Hour
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Dad has used this mug every morning for six days. It is now legally his.
☕ Win a free BAN mug, shipping included: sign up for our free newsletter by Tue 11/17. No purchase needed. US 18+. Rules at link. (And follow @BelowAvgNews for more.)
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MS NOW just installed airbags in its anchor desk in case Democrats lose even one close race.
During rehearsal, they went off when an intern walked by in a red tie.
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Travis Kelce has been flagged for excessive choreography after his touchdown dance ran into the fourth quarter.
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'Unsportsmanlike conduct, excessive choreography, number 87,' the back judge announced. 'Encore declined.'
Democrats in tight midterm races are suddenly posing in duck blinds and bragging about their shotguns. Campaign staff confirm it's a limited-time offer that ends when the polls close Tuesday.
Ducks have been told to expect them again in 2028.
Ten failed election themes. #1 is "Ask Your Doctor If Democracy Is Right For You," with 40 seconds of side effects after every projection. #4 is "October Surprise, 2026." The network hired a man to jump out of a cake and he has been in the cake since Labor Day.
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Kara Swisher says jailing your critics is the greatest threat to democracy. That's why her whiteboard of cell assignments is in dry-erase. Elon gets Cell 1.
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Mechanic charges an $89 diagnostic fee to find out whether the diagnostic fee was necessary. "Had to make sure I wasn't ripping you off," said Jim, of Honest Jim's Honest Auto Shop, Honestly.
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Hour one: "Ten minutes." Hour two: hammer setting. Hour three: shop vac, set to blow. Hour four: the pumpkin has one eye and the ceiling fan has the rest.
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Your new fridge now needs a $14.99-a-month "Chill Plus" plan to keep food cold. Miss one payment and it locks the cheese drawer. Your 2009 fridge held 34 degrees for 15 years and never once asked for a credit card.
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The only news email that admits it's satire. Sign up free by Tue 11/17, 1 PM ET and you're entered to win a free BAN mug, shipping included. ☕ Already a subscriber? Enter at the link too.
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Rules: sign up at the link by Tue 11/17, 1 PM ET = 1 entry (subscribers too). US 18+, 1/email, no purchase. Winner emailed a code: free mug w/ free US shipping, or $18 + free shipping toward any shop item. Good 30 days. Not sponsored by X.
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