The Journal of Ben Solo, alive and well in Exile.
Joined May 2021
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I'm aware that my Journal may one day be translated and archived by the Whills. If so, other civilizations may one day read what I record here.
Please be patient, dear reader, and know I will tell everything I know up until the present.
5
And this tale of redemption she wove? Did she still somehow know who I was? Even though I'm cut off from the Force?
What the hell is redemption anyways? Through who's eyes? Through Rey's? My mother's?
The Force itself?
I wish I felt redeemed.
After speaking to the Bendu Elder, I went back to my sparse accommodations and reflected in the story she told me of her ancestors.
The constant turning from the light side to the dark and back again throughout their history.
Is there no avoiding this?
... and should we?
The Elder's attendants brought us some steaming hot food. Some sort of stewed meat in a spicy Meiloorun sauce, served over some wetlands seeds. It was the best meal I had since, well ... since I could remember.
The First Order was not very concerned with taste.
Sutra Marr was a difficult lady to speak to, mainly because she had so much to say.
I didn't dare interrupt her.
@KristinBaver I really enjoyed your investigative research and thoroughness regarding my family history. Thank you for the time you spent recording everything faithfully.
Perhaps one day there will be more to add to the story?
May the Force be with you, always.
- Ben
1
I promised some sketches and I thought I would share some with information I've learned about the Bendu Elder, Sutra Marr:
3
"My name is Sutra Marr, and long ago my family settled here in search of wisdom in the Force. The Jedi and the Sith follow the Ashla and Bogan, the light and the dark, we are the ones in the middle, we are the Bendu."
I had so many questions to ask, yet decided to only listen.
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4
The Elder was nothing like I expected.
She was strong and wise and welcoming ...
... and she was swinging the lightsaber around the room when I was ushered in to meet her.
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2
I found myself surrounded, and thought for a second time about my vow to not use the Force.
Instead of that, or trying to fight the first group of humans I've come across here on Ahch-To, I decided to willingly surrender myself for now.
Just now arriving at the port of the next island. From what the Caretakers told me there are other humans here.
4
Still wondering where Luke found this old Versafunction88 datapad?
These things predate the Clone Wars.
Maybe there's something important in the encrypted files?
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4
My thoughts are all a jumbled mess.
One moment I'm remembering the way it felt to feel her so close, the next it's some moment I would rather forget.
Yet, I must face these things, if I am ever to feel worthy of using the Force or being with her again.
3
I estimate another day and I will have finally reached the next island.
I was looking at Luke's old lightsaber again, still can't figure out how or why the blade turned white?
It's a very foreign feeling to hold one without using the Force.
3
Perhaps you think I'm selfish, cutting myself off from the Force and our bond for now, my love?
I hope you read the note I left behind for you with the Caretakers. I just need this time to myself.
I keep asking, who am I supposed to be? Why was I given this second chance?
4
Then there I was, staring at the face of the thing I knew I was a half of, face down in the water, wondering when I would see her again.
4
I still can't quite put all the pieces together. One moment Rey sprung back to life, then her lips were pressed against mine and as they were I already felt myself feeling light-headed, the euphoria of that connection mixed with my dimming consciousness. We smiled and then ....
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