Fulfilling Leisure Time Is Not What You Think Hanging out and doing nothing may be suitable for a day or two or a week or two. But free time is an opportunity to grow and take on a challenge you know you will enjoy.

Procrastination Promotes Action It doesn’t have to be the bain of our existence. You can reframe it. Avoid getting upset; instead, embrace “constructive procrastination.” Example: I really should be {cleaning the kitchen}. It is on my to-do list. Instead, I {work on a new project: a design for my front yard} which is not on my to-do list. {1-2 hours} later: I am {appalled} that I spent so much time off task. So I {jump into cleaning the kitchen, frantically determined to finish it in half the time}. I realize that I {got the kitchen cleaned up, and I am so excited about the front yard design, and I need to plan time to finish it up}. I then {move on to the next task}. —— Or I can do this: I really should be {cleaning the kitchen} Instead, I {work on a design for my front yard}. {1-2 hours} later: I am {appalled} that I spent so much time off task. So I {get really mad and tell myself I am a worthless piece of donkey dung}. I realize that {I wasted so much time that the kitchen will never be cleaned. I lose interest in the front yard design}. So, I {decide I need a break from myself. I start playing games on my phone and scrolling social media}. —— Fill in the brackets - how do you react to procrastination? Can you become a constructive procrastinator?

Shiny Penny Syndrome I love jumping into new projects. My energy and enthusiasm are high, and I see all the possibilities. It often takes months, but my enthusiasm begins to wane. This is when I am most vulnerable to another shiny penny project catching my eye. When I worked full-time for 'the man,' my time was limited, and it was easy to say no. Now, in retirement, my days are my own, but still, time is limited because I want to accomplish so much. I am learning to rein myself in and stick to the meaningful projects that have been on the books for a long time—the ones I care about and the ones that need to be done. As long as I chip away at them and push myself through the low-energy period, I know my enthusiasm will return. I usually finish projects in a frenzy and enjoy the bliss of completing what I had set out to do.

Draymond Green Shares His Mental Health Journey Marshawn Lynch says he probably should do it, too. A heartfelt discussion occurred on the first episode of a new podcast, Politickin.’ I tuned in because Gavin Newsom is cohosting the podcast with Marshawn Lynch and Doug Hendrickson. It seemed an interesting mix of personalities. What I heard was completely unexpected. Outside of their sports highlights, I knew very little about Marshawn (former NFL superstar) or Draymond (current Warriors superstar). Marshawn speaks in heavy Oakland. There is lots of slang and use of F words. Yet, his honesty, ability to ask good questions, and willingness to acknowledge others are evident. He and Draymond are friends, and their interaction is genuine. Hearing these two exceptional athletes discuss the pressures they face in professional sports and their personal lives was insightful. I’ve got to give a high five to Gavin; he stepped back and listened. He and Doug let Marshawn and Draymond go deep. It is worth a listen.

Stories Are the Chapters in the Book of Our Lives My chapters include: My family My upbringing My friends My schooling My travels My marriage My son My achievements My insights

Daily Life Enhanced by Self-Monitoring I'm feeling out of sorts. My Fitbit is out of commission. The Fitbit makes it easy to track my sleep patterns and automatically tracks my exercise. I’ve been without it for 12 days, and it could be another 10 before I get the new one (it was under warranty; otherwise, I would have just bought another). Since 2017, I haven't been without it for more than a week. It's interesting how much I depend on this little device to track my commitment to self-care.

Flip Phones Only Observer: Your kid will only have a flip phone until age 16? They don’t have a tablet, either? The computer they use is in the living room, so they can be observed? How do you keep them from being bored or annoying? How are they going to fit in? Aren’t they going to hate you? Me: Instead, I choose: Researched-based parenting skills. Homeschooling. Enriching experiences. Support for my children’s friendships. To accept that “providing for my family” is much less valuable than “growing with my family.” —— To see how this story will turn out read: “The Anxious Generation” by Jonathan Haidt And “Stolen Focus” by Johann Hari

Motion is lotion. Move to Improve. Exercise to Energize.

My week starts on a Monday and ends on a Sunday. How about you?

What will happen if you drop dead tomorrow? How will your household and estate be managed? It doesn’t matter if you are young or old; it can happen to anyone. Do those you love a solid - have a plan.

Beyond the frame, new perspectives emerge.

What happened to kids during the pandemic? Everyone talks about how kids fell apart. Yet, families who had been homeschooling thrived. The problem was that most non-homeschooling parents remained non-homeschooling parents. Parents were so dependent on the school system that all they could do was sit their kids in front of a screen with a teacher who likely had never done online classes before. And then let their kids spend hours on social media or playing video games. Homeschooling is not hard. It is not school at home. It is working as a family to uncover a child's interests and joys and creatively work them into learning experiences.

I remember video games in 1992. My son was four years old. He had just gotten a Nintendo NES, a hand-me-down with a ton of games. Mario and Zelda were his favorites. Remember how hard games were in those days? There were no hints as to where rewards or clues were hidden. No cheat codes. No Google to ask. He didn't have the dexterity to play as well as I did (and I was not very good. We laugh about that now), so we played the games together. He would play, and then I would play, usually with him directing me on what to do. It was a good bonding experience - fun but often frustrating - but we were in it together. Trial and error was the key. I bought books with cheat codes and instructions on where to find rewards. When I read the books out loud, he tried to figure out what they meant. Then I learned about Game Genie - it was a game changer. We could input all sorts of cheat codes, and we were suddenly able to complete levels and, eventually, games. The Nintendo was acting up at one point, so I called the company for support. I mentioned that we were using Game Genie and the guy got very upset. “You should not been using that. It will ruin the Nintendo.” “Dude,” I said. “My son is four years old. Do you know how frustrating it is to go through a screen 50 times to get to the next one? And then we die on the next screen, lose our lives, and have to start all over? If the games were easier, or at least had a beginner-level setting, I wouldn’t need Game Genie.” “So, please help me figure out why this Nintendo is not working!” He did - and Game Genie was not the problem. Needless to say, within six months, my son was a much better player than me, but we still worked together for a long time on solving the mazes and puzzles in the role-play games. Lots of good memories.

Sculptural Elegance at Dusk

Mastermind: To Think Like a Killer Nurse Professor of Psych Nursing Advocate for Victims of Rape Mother Wife Dr. Ann Burgess brought a unique perspective to the hunt for serial killers and rapists. Her story is told in a mini-series on Hulu. In the 1970s, serial rapists and serial murderers in the US were increasing. Because of her unique background, she was asked to be a consultant to the FBI in a male-dominated culture. She had to prove her worth repeatedly, but she persevered. By evaluating interviews with serial perpetrators who had been caught, as well as the surviving victims, she and her team created a profiling system that changed law enforcement's approach to hunting these vicious criminals. Because of these insights, many serial killers and rapists have been arrested and successfully prosecuted before they can do more harm to more people. It is a fascinating story.

Sometimes, I wonder if I really forgot the excellent idea I had a few minutes ago. Could it be that there was no idea at all, and I just convinced myself there must have been one because I hadn't had a good idea all day?

Downsizing Hack: Invite a 12-year-old to help. I decided that three two-hour episodes of downsizing would work. She agreed. Her first choice: Pack up my husband’s short-sleeved button-down shirts (he died 3 years ago; it’s time); there are a ton. I folded my way - ie slow-mo. She pulled them out of the closet and then helped me fold her way - ie NOT slow-mo. Job done. Unexpected Plus: Somehow we got talking about the solid wood, very nice, old-school entertainment center in my living room. No one wants them anymore; I have been posting it everywhere for months. She decided it would make a perfect wardrobe for her brother. Looks like Mom and Dad will agree. Pooff! Another problem was solved. Her second choice: Dig the desk she really, really wants for her room out of the heap in my garage. It's the very same one I really, really want to get rid of. We uncovered it more easily than we thought possible. In the heap she found some gems (to her) that I insisted she take. She is delighted. Her third choice: Taking shirts to thrift stores in town. And doing a bit of her own shopping. That is scheduled for the morning. In 24 hours I got more done than I would have in a week or two on my own.

12-year-old in deep doo doo. Part of a mean girls’ group at school. And that isn’t all of it. Parents are baffled. Meanwhile, I think she is the bomb! I was shocked to hear that not everyone agrees. She wants to spend time with me. She wants to help me downsize. She wants to read the draft of my book “Life Skills for Teens: Rise Above Adversity.” She is my target audience. Mean girl and me: pajama party, work party, read-time, and museum exploration. Curious to see what unfolds!