Alabama Chapstick

Happy Snuggle-ween

Every one enjoy this moment. Salah won’t touch Cutie Cheesecake after a year with their parts apart and it’s the funniest day of Syria Season II. 👻

Ironic her mouth is full of grout but there isn’t any on the living room wall.

I didn’t give a damn about Beverly and her kid. These two I shipped. RIP Locutus of Borg

Loved him since Lifeforce. 😭

Imagine being so damn nosy about fat liar's international whereabouts that you accidentally develop a working knowledge of Python, machine learning, image compression, digital forensics, and neural networks. “That picture looks fake.” TATER: “It sure does, so I've begun training a convolutional neural network to account for YouTube's compression artifacts. The preliminary dataset consists of 600 photographs, three airports, and a shrub I cannot identify.”

#FoodieBeauty and the 4 CLUES: The curb: old, crappy, debris-ridden gutter/sidewalk. Plain gray concrete with dried grass and assorted filth, yet somehow cleaner than her apartment has been for months. The tree: A strange, distinctive tree with unusual foliage. Species currently unidentified. Unlike Fuzzy Brenda, it appears to have successfully established roots. The pole: A very unusual pole with a round finial at the top (possibly a light), S-shaped projections on one side, and a straight projection on the other. Still unable to determine how far this particular pole would go up Salah's ass. The background: Blue sky, scattered clouds, and absolutely no identifiable buildings or signage. Even the surrounding architecture has said, “You're on your own, bitch.” AC / Lieutenant Tater Columbo, signing off for now. (Just one more thing…)

💐One rose for every time she wired him money.

#FoodieBeauty Next stop: COLD TURKEY. ✈️ No THC+Relaxers. No Fast food franchises. Just a decorative husband! ✨😭🤞

#foodiebeauty: May your diaper leak, your luggage never arrive, and your return ticket turn out to be fake. I can’t wait for your husband to see how you’ve grown as a person over the last year!

Put your best polyester bodycon on, it’s a going away party! Please don’t come back. 🙏

#FoodieBeauty: They say if you turn off the lights, light three candles, and whisper his name into a mirror, absolutely nothing happens.

Pack yer tits and go already.

She wants half your liver. Shes asking chat.

All the MFW messages via Shelby

#QUIRKYLOVEROSEE: SHE'S SHAKING UP!! Eat your heart out Brenda. NEW VID: youtu.be/90t040f6jwA

She says she has a blood clot in her leg now, BP under 90.

I’m going straight to hell because I thought this was MFW for a split second. If I don’t go to hell for that reason, it’s definitely because I told my mom I was going to see On Golden Pond, but it was actually Porky’s.