Not that you’d send off for a ‘That’s So Cool’ trophy for me but I’ve been listening to Dokken most of the day…

They should sell Chester’s Hot Fries at the liquor store checkout. I’d buy em every time

What a lovely day to sneak booze onto the golf course…

We all know that one employee who takes a vacation day and then comes to the office to ‘hang out’

IF WE ONLY HAD A WHEELBARROW THAT WOULD BE SOMETHING!!!!

Dontcha love it when you apply for a job that has a great salary, you’re qualified for, and thirty minutes later they send ‘thank you for your interest, but at this time your application was not selected’ THIRTY MINUTES

I want you to hit me as hard as you can…

Why do sandwich shops use soooo much paper to wrap their subs in? I’d be fine if you put it in an old Country Crock container like moms used to do, and wrap my potato chips in some paper towels and stuff it in there too…

Just fyi this is a very underrated drinking week…

We all want a horny one until we get one… 1am: ‘Really?! Right now? I’ve got work in the morning…’

Yesterday I had jesus chicken at chik-fil-a and today I’m having a Crunchwrap supreme with extra Diablo (devil) sauce… It’s a full time job for my guardian angel let me tell ya…

I had a walkoff homer to win a game once. Yes it was a slow pitch church league filled with guys in their 50s and 60s but it still counts… And yes that bitch went over the left center wall….

Greasy like Sunday morning logging in

I miss the Sunday paper…

I’m if ‘The previous play, is under review’ were a person

My 11 year old niece said ‘Jason Mimosa is in town filming a movie’ and I just let her talk her jibber jabber

My soulmate out there gettin railed this morning…

Mutha!!

Being a male hooker means you don’t have to hear about the ‘best part of their day’