Bruno's Quotes

"Might mug Captain Tom and singlehandedly get hanging brought back."

"Those willies get the piss everywhere."

"Nothing worse than hipsters near strippers. ‘OOOH! Don't get whipped cream on that, it's PALACE!"

"The main good bit about art is galleries is that they are full of fit arty birds and there's a cafe at the end. Take that away and you've just got paint."

"That’s because Germany is a real country and the UK is basically a rotting shed with a paedophile living inside it."

"Mate, you aren't a DMT guy. You are more of a GMT guy."

"This is what happens if you have been reading Rimbaud since seven years old. You miss out on 'slap chop'."

"Having a baby is like going to prison. But at least prison has pool tables."

"Jody Morris simultaneously looks like a bus driver, and someone you really wouldn't want to get on your bus."

"I bet I know where your nipples are."

"This isn't me being mean, but he's objectively an utter failure."

"My poor cleaning lady has untangled all the ropes hidden in the plastic bag under the bed. Leyland-brand ropes. By the way."

"Roadblock ruined it for everyone. Robot Wars was never the same after that."

"I feel like Brandon Lee's not been in anything for ages."

"When my toenail came off it smelled like Subway."

"An alice band, you know, sort of like a low-ambition fascinator?"

"There's three things I like. The Charlatans. Super Furry Animals. And hazel nuts."

"Everyone got a bit too brave on mushrooms and told me they hate my shoes."

"Caterpillars don't turn into butterflies, they are butterflies inside all the time."

"They're very late, house parties. Some go on past midnight."