ᴾᵃʳᵒᵈʸ | Cᴀʟᴠɪɴ Gʀᴀʏ

⠀ 【 ── 红蝴蝶 】: I rarely talk about myself, and that gives people free rein to 𝙞𝙣𝙫𝙚𝙣𝙩 all sorts of things about my life or my personality. So, let me clear something up for you: I’m not perfect, I don’t have a perfect life, and, like everyone else, I have what others might consider to be 𝙩𝙤𝙭𝙞𝙘 𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙞𝙩𝙨. For example, I don’t have any real attachment to people, because as a lone wolf, having friends or not has NO impact on my life, and it doesn’t stop me from moving forward, so it’s quite 𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙮 to remove people from my life, especially if they have disappointed me, have had suspicious or toxic behavior, and most people get frustrated and portray me as the 𝙫𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙖𝙞𝙣 of their story for having abandoned them, going so far as to say that I was fake or that I pretended to like them, when in reality, I can love someone with all my heart, but I can detach myself very quickly and continue to live as if the person had 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 existed, and in the worse cases, sometimes, I still care about the person but I just can’t let them back into my life, because the respect I have for myself is 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧 than my feelings. I know, it’s frustrating, it’s hurtful, but that’s just how I am. You might see it as 𝙩𝙤𝙭𝙞𝙘; I call it armor to PROTECT my heart and my mind. That’s why I don’t really have any friends in real life, and the few I do have, I always feel like they’re walking on eggshells around me, either for fear of my 𝙪𝙣𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙘𝙩𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 reactions or for fear that I’ll suddenly end our friendship without looking back. Believe it or not, I hate this ── and I hate causing people pain even more. That’s why I prefer to stay ALONE, so people don’t get attached to me, and I don’t risk hurting them if I were to have to remove them from my life overnight, to protect my energy or my heart. You have NO IDEA what I’ve been through in terms of 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥. Being able to see through people, an ability born from my need to observe and study everyone to ensure my own safety, has led me to see things I didn’t want to see: the 𝙙𝙖𝙧𝙠𝙚𝙨𝙩 side of some individuals, which has led me to break ties. It’s also my way of protecting them from 𝙠𝙖𝙧𝙢𝙖 ── because, whether you believe in it or not, all the people who have had bad intentions towards me have always paid the price, and that has been the case for YEARS. I have witnessed things you wouldn’t even believe, and there are certain things that non-spiritual people can’t understand; 𝙞𝙣𝙫𝙞𝙨𝙞𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨, for example, are one of them. Besides that, I’ve always had VALID reasons for removing people from my life, so don’t think I just throw people away like that. Now, if any of you feel hurt, frustrated, annoyed, or resentful because I’ve left you behind, I am 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙡𝙮 sorry. But please understand that not everyone is compatible, and I simply can’t pretend to remain friends with someone when there are things that make me uncomfortable or bother me. ⤵ ⠀