I met Barrack Obama and said, "My dad says you're spying on us all." He said, "He's not your dad."

It's awkward touching hands with a woman in a popcorn bag. Especially if you don't know her and she doesn't know you're eating her popcorn

I drove my car into a river and watched it turn into a mobile phone. One minute, a Kia. Next minute, Nokia.

I bought a book on eBay called, 'How to scam on eBay'. That was 2 months ago, and it's not arrived yet?

When The Hulk goes off into a vicious rage and destroys everything, he's "Incredible." But when I do it, I'm, "an alcoholic."

It's been 4 years to the day that I threw that boomerang. I still find myself looking over my shoulder and living in fear.