2.5 hours sober, world's most depressed man, you can find me at Dairy Queen on the value menu and I'm 45, please stop calling me old.
Joined October 2021
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woooaaaahhh... im drinking whiskey and smoking a cigarette at the top of a loooong set of stairs... i'm soooo oblivious to my surroundings right now...
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i am a proud sponsor of the "Kick Vic's Dick" campaign. the first ten Nutcrackers will recieve one of TEN limited-edition, autographed, customized stolen Mormon Bibles that i've turned into blackout poetry
i got a fake id at 12 so i could start buying beer. beer is a lot like me: not good for you, bad tasting, and it'll ruin your life if you keep doing it
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my father told me once "never get married, son." and i havent even needed to try that hard to follow his advice
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a newspaper reporter interviewed me and i thought it went pretty well until they put in the paper "Qrow Branwen, 48, has had a number of unhappy romantic relationships"
1. i dont think im that old
2. is there a different way to have a romantic relationship?
my first job growing up was a door-to-door mirror salesman. i was 11 years old, driving a big flatbed with mirrors strapped to the back, when all of a sudden a telephone pole jumped out in front of me.
my semblance started right about then, too.
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practicing for prison by getting my fork-stabbing form in pristine condition. aiming for the electrical outlet right next to my favorite gas leak.
#mylasttweet
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showcasing my minimum-intensity, maximum damage workout technique of lifting extremely heavy loads exclusively with your back, legs straight or even overextended, and dont breathe
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oh shit riiiiight. i forgot i did that. man. im so glad i decided to help my nieces (and co.) in their quest for revenge! so glad that i forgot it ended with all of them dying, a militaristic city-state in ruins, two men i thought i could love betraying me, and me in the desert
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Ahem hem. 🤓 Hello.
Well-behaved Qrow Branwen here. Don't forget to do your taxes! The deadline is April 15th. You can use the money you get in your return to invest in lucrative stocks, or you could put it towards your 401k!
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