Chris Weeks (@ChrisWeeks) profile picture

Chris Weeks

@ChrisWeeks
Joined April 2012
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  • Followers19
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Photo by Chris Weeks (@ChrisWeeks)Photo by Chris Weeks (@ChrisWeeks)Photo by Chris Weeks (@ChrisWeeks)
My meat is going to bring you to your knees.
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If I do buy your product, I should never have to endure a commercial about it again. Ever.
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The #DukesOfHazzard was the best show ever, General Lee speaking. @CMT
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When I die, I don't want to be cremated, but I would like to be mesquite-smoked for several hours.
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I'm a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.
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Capitalism is what makes America great and England okay and France terrible.
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I was told cops love donuts. Just not when I do them on a four-lane highway, apparently.
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There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that’s lying about being milk.
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Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are useless.
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Life Hack: Bacon makes great hippie repellent.
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If you don't swear when you drive, you aren't paying enough attention to the road.
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Friends: one to three is sufficient
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Are you going to tell a man that he can’t fart in his own car?
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It's so weird to think that because of the time difference it's still 1990 in Russia #Sochi2014
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Sarcasm is a body's natural defense against stupid.
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One rage every three months is permitted. Try not to hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it.
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A yawn is a silent scream for more coffee.
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Leftovers are for quitters.
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Porn gives young people an unrealistic and unhealthy idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.
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I wish I could have been a doctor writing prescriptions in the Old West. Whiskey Whiskey Whiskey Whiskey Whiskey Cut it off Whiskey Whiskey
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