I overheard two people talking about what I thought were N64 games... Turned out they were talking about tax forms. #1080 #deeptaxjoke

Dude, two-day food coma. Cherokee Jim did it up this year! Stuffed a grouse inside the turkey. Mind=blown. #2ndthxgiving #1stTur-grouse

Seriously considering getting one of those tribal tattoos.

My "wacky" tobaccy delivery guy keeps saying he'll be here in an hour. It's like, dude, how long does it take to gallop across Brooklyn?

Had a BLAST last night at 3 Musketeers alehouse. They've started serving these little chocolate "bars" with the beer. Weird idea, guys!

At a party, got offered a "peace pipe." Made hilarious joke about how I'd take a "piece." #partylikeits1699 #IWillCatchAFatalDiseaseFromThis

Ale at the spotted ass, some hoop-and-stick in McCarren, then just canoeing the fuck around and getting in trouble. Happy Saturday

Can we just pick a flag already? These clowns change their name more than British Aristocracy. Is it PRINCE or KING George

I think one of the ship rats followed me ashore... hope that doesn't become a problem for New York...

It's like no one even noticed I was wearing a FOUR-corner hat today. No one has a fashion sense anymore.

Paul Revere just galloped through screaming something. We get it dude, you're drunk.

One if by land, Two if by L train.

"Wanted: Someone to paint portrait of me crossing East River in a boat. Must accept trades." -George W #CraigslistCW

Remember when we were all like "Hail King George?" Weird. #TBT

I haven't had HardTack this good since somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Thanks Peter Luger!

The sun never sets on the PBR empire.

Does anyone ever wonder what's happening in Canada? Sometimes I think I came to the wrong British Colony. #buyersremorse

Is there anything worse than when they recobble Bedford at sun-up when you've been drinking well-past witching hour? #hangover.

Best part of my morning commute? When I reach Manhattan without getting dysentery. #colonialproblems

Worst part of my morning commute? Hearing "Showtime, showtime" and spending the rest of the ride trying not to get clogged in the face.