TheConArtists

I shot an elephant in my pajamas. Oh, I see you confusion! No, he broke in to my house at night. An elephant would never fit in my pjs.

A really cool project could use your help: kck.st/OUq8WQ Do it for a kid you know, or even just your inner child.

I feel like being a plastic surgeon for dogs would be highly lucrative.

@bnystedt the person who described it as hilarious obviously has no idea what hilarious means.

As to the genre of the play: one person says hilarious, while another insists it high drama. How should I feel?

I'm at a theatrical event with literally 32 seats. And only half of them have human asses in them. This does not bode well...

I just pissed my life savings away at shop.atommag.net! And you can too!

Atom magazine will make all your wishes come true! atommag.net! But it's like a tricky genie and the wish will ruin your life.

My doctor told me about a new miracle cure all. Best part? It's free over at atommag.net!

All the cool kids are talking about atommag.net. Right, cool kids? Right, @atommag ?

I've got good news and bad new: bad new is that Santa is a lie, good news is that Atom Mag has a new issue at atommag.breezi.com!

www.atommag.net is live! it will teach you to make a disco ball that looks like the death star, prepare your last meal, and other crap!

Looking for a "job". 100k salary minimum. Not looking to actually work hard. No experience, soft hand. Need to make my own hours. Thank you.

@bnystedt ...gold, silver, crystal skulls, Texas tea, oil, dinosaurs (living or dead), missing links or even blood diamonds.

@bnystedt new get rich quick idea: let's dig a ton of holes in our parents properties. There are so many valuable things to find...

Did you hear about that new Roman diet all the celebs love? You can eat as much as you want as long as you vomit it all up! Patent pending.

@informarthur ugh.... Sunday morning bicycle puns....

Biscotti; from the Italian words for "brick" and "torn up roof of my mouth".

In an effort to make the world more like Pokémon, I am issuing a challenge: my dog will kick any of your pets' asses. He knows Hyper Beam.

I was just challenged to a duel. Should I be flattered?