I was recently bitten by some kind of insect and I inherited all of its memories. I miss my hundreds of insectoid brothers and sisters. Also me on other website.

Hitting the crack pipe no longer stimulates me. Perhaps my fighting spirit has just dwindled over these hard years. The Burger King staff all used to fear me. Now they don’t even know my name. I painted up one of my little men.

James bit me on my little finger so I will be revoking his IPad for a week. I will also be uploading his soul into an IBM quantum computer, programmed to make each second feel like a thousand lifetimes of torment.

Quincy was pulled over for going 90mph in a school zone. Quincy, being a devious little man, quickly beheaded the officer. Smooth moves, Quincy!

This is my original character, Bentley 2. If you have nothing nice to say about Bentley 2 then DO NOT engage with me. Grow up.

I was exposed to tremendous amounts of carbon monoxide and it allowed me to commune with the witch. Big fan of carbon monoxide.

After many years, my worm on a string has returned. He has grown. He has shed the string that shackled him. I fear he will slay me in my sleep.

I caught Philippe playing with his silly strings. The authorities want to take away Philippe’s silly strings. God forbid Philippe enjoys himself.

Hi everyone, I’ve got some sad news. The Fworm is back. Best of luck to all of you.

I watched Mabel consume three entire ant colonies today. Hundreds of thousands of lives, extinguished in mere moments. A slaughter of monstrous proportions. Pretty cool, Mabel!

This is my lovely daughter, Courtney. The worms have spread to her heart and the doctor says she can’t eat toads anymore. Unfortunately, I can’t bring myself to stop her.

This is my new exotic Pitbull. I believe he is a 2 X Pimpy and 3 X Bape mix. He ate a big bag of onions so he has a tummy ache.

A big thank you to the Make A Wish Foundation. Pigler used his wish to make David Attenborough watch as he threw a bunch of plastic bags in the ocean. Pigler isn’t even dying, he’s just a stupid pig.

The vile wizard turned me in to a creature of sorts. As grim as it might appear, I so enjoy retracting into my flesh shell. Feeling positive!

No one knows how to have fun quite like Stephon. He has incurred significant liver damage due to years of substance abuse and his quality of life is irreparably diminished. Keep it up, Stephon!

I am giving away my Persian Hooded Corpse Worm. He needs to eat three bags of premium mulch every day and I just can’t afford it anymore. Please help him find a good home.

Today is Sophie’s birthday. We invited all her friends and grilled hamburgers but no one turned up. Even her favourite cigarettes can’t cheer her up.

Miguel, I’m sorry I hit you in the head with that hammer. I don’t know why I did it. I really care about you. Please come home.

Took Wesley to the pond today. The little scamp was so excited, he threw up twice.

Biggly smashed all the stray cats in the alley, causing the rat population to grow uncontrollably. So begins our joint business venture as rat milkers.