Crazy Cancer Lady

Of the ‘Hi, I’m dying of cancer’ books I’ve read, I would most recommend ‘When Breath Becomes Air’ by Paul Kalanithi and ‘Late Fragments (Everything I Want To Tell You About This Magnificent Life)’ by Kate Gross. Both beautiful, crystalline reads, neither strays into mawkishness.

True dat. 😆

A non-cancery tweet. I’m getting fed up of writers starting each book chapter with a quote by another writer or a philosopher or whatever. It’s so overdone at this point. You’re writing a book yourself, trust that your words are enough.

I’ve had so many kind private messages sent to me. Thank you for them all. 🙏 Things are touch and go for me right now. I’m hospitalised after AC chemo debilitated me. Big decisions re: whether to stop treatment altogether are in the offing. So that’s my update. 😕

I had a nurse out to my home just there to give me an injection. She said, "good luck on your journey". I said "No journey here, I'm a lifer". I feel like healthcare professionals should have more sense than to come out with that "journey" crap. My journey is one-way!

Thank you all for all the lovely responses to yesterday's tweet. I can't respond to anyone really as my hands are kinda weak. Even writing this tweet is a challenge but I want people to know how much I appreciate all your responses. x

Just had my most traumatic day in hospital since my diagnosis six years ago. Vietnam flashbacks. Actual Vietnam flashbacks. Exhausting, information overload, worsening cancer, a 10 hour day, the huge problems with the Irish health system laid bare. Genuinely traumatising.

Death fear anxiety becoming more debilitating by the day - my arms and hands are starting to go numb. This is the part of terminal cancer treatment that is inadequate - it is SO hard to be get sufficient medication for this issue. You’re treated like an addict.

Fellow metastatic breast cancer tweeps, I really miss Angela (@Beatthemedian) and Suzanne (@athleteonchemo). Anyone else feeling their absence on here? Two beautiful, vibrant presences snuffed out by this wretched disease.

I’ve been able to enjoy compartmentalisation for much of the six years of my MBC diagnosis and it’s been really scary with recent bad news to not have that safety blanket anymore. I’m back into blind anxiety and terror and sadness. Quite the shock to the system. 😞

Anyone?

I listened to a podcast with Henry Marsh where he discusses having terminal prostate cancer and advocating for assisted dying. In it, he said his cancer isn’t yet metastatic and his PSA not that high. Doctor Tweeps - that’s not terminal prostate cancer, is it?

Personally… no. I don’t consider myself a survivor. Cancer will chop my life expectancy in half. For me, that’s a glass half empty thing.

😞

Hospice overzealously on at me all week to pick up my new Mirtazapine prescription to help with crippling anxiety. Drag myself to pharmacy - prescription not there. Now I’m even more anxious. Super.

Sigh, my Martina fangirl crush continues unabated. 😍🤩 What a woman.

So okay - I’d love to hear from cancer patients who clearly and actively have decided to step away from active treatment. This category always seem thin on the ground and I’m interested in your experiences. Have you entered calmer waters? Is it frightening?

It doesn’t suit me. It doesn’t taste particularly nice. And, much as I hate to admit it, I believe the stereotypes to be true and that Ireland has too much of a drink culture. We’re too reliant on it. My family was very unusual in our gatherings *not* being booze-soaked.

Does pregabalin (Lyrica) make anyone else feel a bit spaced out?

This was such a spaced anxiety-and-painkiller led tweet. No idea what I was rambling about. 🤭😵‍💫🙈👀 It makes no sense in the context of my pinned tweet. LOL. Apologies. #fuckcancer