If I started reenacting every single wojack in existence and posting the photos online would that finally make me famous or would that finally make the CIA carry out their threats
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Hi, board certified veterinarian here! It's actually a really good idea to house your elderly guinea pig in the same enclosure as your 1000000000 fire ants. They can coexist because they are both children of God
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Showed up with all my pals to the local community center's art club only to find that its for people 50 and older. I'm now hosting an art club outside the building only for people 49 or younger. We're out here painting dementia and gravestones and plastering them on the windows
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Where can I commission Scooby Dooby Doo and Shaggy Daggy Doo devouring a sentient six-footlong sub sandwich
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I love hitting the "track this case" button on my local courthouse website so I can show up and flip off all the traffic violators and murderers
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If anyone wants to experience the slipperiest road of their lives go do laps around the abandoned lube factory here in Georgia. Be sure to keep your windows rolled down even if it smells because you will vomit no matter how hard you try not to
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Every 50 calories of oatmeal raisin cookies I eat translates into 30 minutes of my heartrate being elevated by 5-10bpm. The effect stacks
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I used to have a dog when I was a young boy who could put back 10 deviled eggs and a black coffee. He lived for 21 years and his coat stayed healthy and sleek the whole time.
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My flower power pants confederate pants make a very precise 0.00045% of the US population want to fuck me and the other 99.99955% want to kill me
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Telling the alien that to blend in with humans they have to choose a favorite letter and announce that you're going to kiss whoever just used the letter everytime the letter is used
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I've just gotten visual confirmation from the Vaults that the crunchy cheetos and cheeto puffs are both based visually off of Chester the Cheetah's cock, each representing a different level of arousal
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I had another dream with "Gmod physics". I was able to hold my breath and float around the basement like a fish with a swim bladder
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My perspective: I usually take walks around the block every morning for my cardiovascular condition but recently I've taken to running in small circles in my driveway for 5 minutes. Same number of steps I reckon plus I never have to pass by the Rottweiler
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Streets smarts DO include learning how to secretly urinate in public parks and DON'T include looking both ways before crossing the interstate
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Scientists warning us about wet bulb temperatures but we can't here them over our fapping off. Next time name your scary term something that isn't so innately erotic dumbasses
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