Cynical Fireman

What’s one fire service tradition that needs to die? And don’t give me some politically correct answer. I want the one that’ll piss off half your department.

There's no greater threat to public safety than a grown adult with zero common sense and unlimited confidence.

Girl, same

The fire service has an incredible ability to take the most competent person in the room and put them under the supervision of the least competent person in the department.

This is why momma told you to eat your damn vegetables. Them trees be fighting back.

Just now a medical call. Us: Do you all have power of attorney over your mother? Daughter on phone with sibling: do we have power over eternity? Classic.

The Kia sustained minor damage. The Misubitchy sustained a major attitude.

The chiefs will tell you that you're family right up until you become inconvenient. Then suddenly it's a business.

The fire service has perfected the art of promoting people based on everything except their ability to do the fucking job.

The fire service has officially become the customer service department for people who have exhausted every other option except common fucking sense.

Another heroic rescue from the terrifying consequences of idiots.

Look, your medical emergency is important, but some of us have pressing questions.

The fire service is the only place where administration will spend $40,000 trying to figure out why morale is in the shitter instead of just asking everyone why they fucking hate coming to work.

I'm back bitches! I was hoping the fire service would've gotten its shit together by now.

On this Independence Day, let us not forget what kicked off the American Revolution! Today we celebrate life, liberty, and leather!

Today I had to write up the first officer I ever worked for, who I rode with on my very first shift, who I’ve always looked up to. He was very cordial and understanding and we finished by laughing and talking about the old days. Never would I have thought this would ever happen.

How many firefighters does NFPA require to change a lightbulb? 1 to change it, 1 to heel the ladder, 2 on a standby hoseline, 1 manning the pump, 1 in command, a safety officer, and 3 more on RIT. All must wear safety glasses and helmet with face shield down.

Who would you expect to walk through your door when you call 911 for your mother or child? To someone else’s family, you are that person. Are you living up to your own standard? If not then get better. If you don’t want to get better, find another profession.

Since the fire service is trying to push these spaceball helmets on us, I say we push back and demand long coats and 3/4 boots. I mean if we’re going to let hot water and tar roll down our necks again, we might as well go full salty.

I’m presenting my 2020 budget to the Fire Chief this week. Please pray for me. Trying hard to get every pumper @elkhartbrass XD smooth bores, combat ready hose, Flir K65’s, 250 sets of new gear, and much much more. Should be a fun meeting.