Coach

The dishwasher broke My wife said "good thing we have the home warranty" I said nothing I've been paying $62 a month for three years for this moment $2,232 for the peace of mind that when something breaks someone will come to the house and tell me it's not covered I called 47 minutes on hold They sent a technician Arrival window: Tuesday through Thursday between 8am and 5pm My analyst delivers faster than that And he still hasn't fixed the gridlines He showed up Wednesday at 4:47pm Looked at the dishwasher Opened the door Closed the door Touched something underneath Said "not covered" 90 seconds That's faster than my bank lets me prove I'm human I said "what's covered" He said "the motor" I said "what's wrong with it" He said "not the motor" I said "convenient" He said the service fee is $75 I paid a man $75 to open my dishwasher, close my dishwasher, and say two words My analyst could do that And he's not even that good I called the warranty company back 38 minutes on hold Requested the policy 129 pages I read all 129 pages Because that's what I do The coverage section is 34 pages The exclusions section is 58 The business model is right there In the margins Where nobody reads Except me Page 91 says "all mechanical and electrical components essential to appliance function are covered under standard service" Page 104 excludes control panels A control panel is an electrical component essential to appliance function Their own document contradicts itself 13 pages apart I highlighted both Sent them an email Subject line: "Plz fix. Thx." Attached both pages No other context Took them three days to send a technician Took them 4 hours to call me back when I found the loophole Funny how that works They covered the repair Waived the $75 And I canceled the warranty anyway Because a contract that contradicts itself isn't a contract It's a suggestion My wife said "so we're canceling" I said "we're canceling" She said "and the dishwasher" I said "fixed. They're covering it." She said "how" I said "I read the policy" She said "all 129 pages" I said "the exclusions section starts on page 47. The coverage section ends on page 34. There are 13 pages between them where they hoped nobody would look." She looked at me Then she said "you're unbelievable" I said "I just saved us $744 a year and got a free dishwasher repair. I'm not unbelievable. I'm thorough." She looked at the ceiling The dishwasher works now The warranty is canceled And the policy has been read By at least one person Probably the first Make common sense common again Plz fix. Thx. Sent from my iPhone