@DaddyJew

https://xitter.cf/t.co/Khbo6khxhO

 Baltimore, MD
Joined November 2011
  • Tweets30K
  • Following1.1K
  • Followers38.8K
158Media
*magically pulls a joint out behind my lil nephew’s ear* Nephew’s mom: will you stop doing that
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People are fucking stupider when there’s a full moon. It’s science
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just between you and me, the devil can’t dance for shit
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DaddyJew retweeted
michela@Mmmmicas9h
At least there will always be music
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you’re gonna love it when i bust in your mouth - mozzarella sticks
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“i'm a top" "i'm a bottom” Yeah, that’s how a horse costume works pal
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DaddyJew retweeted
𝕛.
@jordijointsOct 23
tattooed women suck dick better
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Leave me alone so I can eat a bag full of Olive Garden breadsticks in peace.
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DaddyJew retweeted
Matty@bestestnameOct 24
I would be more optimistic about things getting better if they weren't getting worse
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i've abandoned three cars in the walmart parking lot. that's how i was raised
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[post apocalyptic wasteland, the last two human beings alive] Me "Hi" Her "I have a boyfriend."
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Welcome to your 40's... you get your cardio walking in and out of rooms forgetting why
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i threw caution into the wind. it did not like that
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You wouldn’t like me, i’d make you laugh and have way too much fun
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I’ll have you know, i am thriving in this dumpster fire
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managed to eat a medicine ball for my cold and now i feel even worse
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Her: but his name is Raphael Me: ok but he’s not Italian Her: how many people do you know with that name that aren’t Italian? Me: how many sewer dwelling ninja turtles do you know Sharon?
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Ripley’s Believe It or Get Bent!
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the crockpot be talking to white girls like the green goblin mask
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some of the greatest romance novels I’ve ever read were written on bathrooms walls
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DaddyJew retweeted
Darla
@ddsmidt10 Jul 2017
A woman's hearing intensifies as a natural response to a man muttering under his breath.
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