ALT Introducing—The world famous movie character—Mickey Mouse—Who will appear on the comic page of this paper daily. And—Mickey's fickle frivolous flapper—Minnie Mouse. Also Terrible Tom, the vile villain. MICKEY: I don't like to talk about myself, but honest I've made more people laugh in the movies than any other guy my size in the world—look me up, I'm going to be in this paper every day!

ALT MARGIE: Did you enjoy the ice cream, children? SLICKER: It was positively delicious, Mrs. Mouse! MINNIE: Thanks, mother—it was wonderful! MARGIE: I know we can’t afford ice cream, Father, but we must be nice to Minnie’s guests! MARCUS: Of course, Mother! I’ve just been figgerin’ a bit—what with the drought ruining our crops and everything, this is going to be a tough year for us! MARCUS: It’s a good thing our hens haven’t failed us—we might be able to get by with the sale of our eggs! MARCUS: Good heavens, Maw—something’s wrong! There ain’t a egg out there tonight!

ALT MICKEY: Without Minnie, the whole world seems against me—but my worries will soon be over! MICKEY: I guess you think I’m crazy—well, I must’ve been to think of hanging myself! When I look into your smiling faces, I feel ashamed! MICKEY: It isn’t such a bad old world after all! It took a squirrel to prove what a nut I was!

ALT MICKEY: Gee, I’m sure having a tough time trying to put an end to myself! I hope this anvil doesn’t float! MICKEY: Hey, fish! How’s the water today? FISH: Br-r-r! Cold as the dickens! MICKEY: Guess I’d better wait till tomorrow then! FISH: Pl-l-lease,—my nerves!

ALT MICKEY: Without Minnie, all my dreams have become nightmares—I’ll turn on this gas and end it once and for all! MICKEY: Good-bye, Minnie! Good-bye, cruel world! SQUEAKY: Ah—free gas for my balloon! Bang! MICKEY: Help! I think I’m shot!

ALT MICKEY: It’s no use! I can’t get Minnie off my mind! I just can’t go on without her!—It’s the river for me! MICKEY: Good-bye, Minnie! Good-bye, cruel world! CAPTAIN: A stowaway, eh? Well ya’ll get no publicity outta this trip—it’s into the water for you! MICKEY: Help! No! No! Please don’t! I can’t swim! I might drown!

ALT MICKEY: It’s no use! Since Minnie’s fallen for that Slicker, I’m lost—I’m like a ship without a sail, so I might as well drift into the hereafter! MICKEY: Good-bye, Minnie—good-bye, cruel world! One—two— Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! MICKEY: I guess he’s right at that!

ALT MICKEY: Gosh—I never thought Minnie would fall for somebody else—I can’t believe yet that I saw her kiss that fellow, Slicker! My eyes must’ve deceived me! MICKEY: Everybody seems happy! Why does the world have to be down on me? MICKEY: Oh, what’s the use? She doesn’t care for me anymore—what is there to live for! Without Minnie, I might as well end it all!

ALT MICKEY: I know Minnie likes me—but that Slicker with his city ways! Gosh! I’m afraid she might fall for him! MINNIE: What shall I play next, Mr. Slicker? SLICKER: Play the same song again—it was beautiful! MICKEY: Good gosh! Say it isn’t so! MICKEY: Sniff!! Sniff!!

ALT MICKEY: This thing has gone far enough! I’m going in and bust that guy right now! HORACE: Hey, Mickey! Stop! HORACE: Don’t be a fool, Mickey! Don’t you understand if you went in and beat up the Slicker, it would only turn Minnie against you? HORACE: I know you don’t like this Slicker—neither do I—but you’ve got to use diplomacy! Take old Horsecollar’s advice—I had the same trouble with Clarabelle Cow! Believe me—I learned about women from her! MICKEY: I guess you’re right, Horsecollar.

ALT MINNIE: Didn’t people dress funny in the old days, Mr. Slicker? Here is my grandpa, Marshal Mouse—and that’s grandmother, Matilda Mouse—this group down here is uncle Milton Mouse and his family! Minnie Mouse—”At bath”—Age three months MINNIE: Oh-er-er—gee! I didn’t intend to show you that one, Mr. Slicker! SLICKER: My—but you were a cute little darling in those days, Miss Minnie!

ALT SLICKER: By the way—who’s the little runt who’s always tagging around with you? MINNIE: Oh—you mean Mickey? Why, he’s my-uh-er— SLICKER: Oh—he’s your little brother—I see—I see— SLICKER: But why should you always be bothered with him? Why don’t you have him go play with the neighbor’s children? SLICKER: Of course, it is none of my affair—but I hate to see anyone make a nurse-maid of you, Minnie!

ALT SLICKER: Ah—hello there, youngster! SLICKER: Heh! Heh! Heh! SLICKER: A little token of affection straight from the heart, Miss Minnie! MICKEY: Poo! Poo! Wait till she sees what I brought! MICKEY: For you, Minnie—I raised ‘em myself. SLICKER: Haw! Haw! They must’ve been plucked too soon!

ALT Minnie thinks Mr. Slicker is quite a hero because he socked a big ruffian with a pie when he tried to flirt with her— MINNIE: I can’t get over the way you handled that big brute— SLICKER: You know—what you need is someone like me to protect you, Minnie! WAITER: Uh—just a moment! You forgot to pay your check! SLICKER: Oh, yes—yes—Mickey here will take care of that—you see, I must rush along and see the young lady home! MICKEY: Now I know I don’t like that guy—

ALT MINNIE: Mickey, look at that big ruffian trying to flirt with me! MICKEY: I’ll put a stop to that! CAT: That fer you—I’ll look the dame over all I pleases! SLICKER: Oh, will you, will you? MINNIE: That was awfully nice of you, Mr. Slicker! You sure put him in his place! SLICKER: Oh, that was nothing! Just an old Spanish custard!

ALT SLICKER: Ah! My friends from the golf course—you’re just in time to have lunch with me—I’ll sit right down— MINNIE: Why, hello, Mr. Slicker! WATER: It looks like rain, sir! SLICKER: Yeah—and it tasted like rain—phooey! SLICKER: This chicken is terrible—what’s wrong with it? WAITER: Well, you see—it was in a fight, sir! SLICKER: Then take it back and bring me the winner!

ALT MINNIE: Oh, Mickey! Show me how to make this shot—I’m stuck! SLICKER: Oh-oh! Some baby! MICKEY: Hm-m—let’s see now—how can you make this? SLICKER: I’ll show you how to do it, little lady—this sort of thing is right in my line! MINNIE: Oh, gee—that’s wonderful! SLICKER: Not at all! Not at all! In fact that is rather a poor shot for me!

ALT MICKEY: Gee—business has been so good since I put those animal hazards on my golf course that I’ll have to stay open nights—I’d better rig up some lights— Toot! Bong! Bong! Bong! Bong! Tweet! 5 o’clock! MICKEY: Well, I’ll be—five o’clock and they all quit—durn those union hazards!

ALT PIG: Everybody’s talking about your animal hazards, Mickey—so we’ve come over to see how they work! MICKEY: Sa-ay! They’re great! Just try ‘em! GOAT: Give us two! Apples [crossed out] Golf balls PIG: Well—par’s one on this hole—watch me make it— PIG: D’gone it! My apple didn’t get over the hazard!

ALT MICKEY: Oh, boy! What an idea I’ve got! So the customers think my course is too tame, eh?—Well, I’ll show ‘em some real hazards! MICKEY: Hurry over to my golf course—I’ve got a job for all of you!! MICKEY: Now let them try and make it below par!!

ALT MICKEY: Gee—I’ve got to do something to make these hazards tougher—yesterday one guy made three holes in one! GOAT: Hey! GOAT: Come on over here and get this pig off the fairway! MICKEY: Is he in your way? GOAT: Sure—he’s blocking the hole! He’s a physical nuisance and a mental hazard— MICKEY: Hey—you, get off—you’re wearin’ out the green! MICKEY: Sa-ay! He may be a nuisance to you—but he’s an inspiration to me! He’s given me a great idea!