Daniel Edison, Comedian

5 one-liners in under a minute!

I've been asked to think of a title for a local newspaper that never publishes stories about vampires. I've tried 'Countless Times'!

My mate calls Search and Rescue so much he's injured his shoulder. Whenever he raises his arm, he gets a huge flare up.

Every Friday we have a takeaway. That’s when the bailiffs turn up.

I didn't think standing on the airport travelator would be so emotional, but I was genuinely moved by it.

I gave an enthusiastic talk about porridge, which is how I became a keen oat speaker.

They say comparison is the thief of joy, but the police are pretty sure the guy who kidnapped my Auntie Joy is actually called Keith.

A joke I whipped up earlier 🍦

I tried to become a magician, but it was very tricky. 🎩

I don't see the problem 🤷

I once swallowed a dictionary. It gave me thesaurus throat I've ever had.

A joke about my new job 👷

Joke of the day 🦜

My local pet shop just started selling clothes. I asked for a small jumper, and they sold me a grasshopper.

This joke is particularly stupid.

A one-liner 📅

This isn't my only joke about a sofa. I've got another one I've been sitting on for a while.

I've got another joke like this one, but it didn't make the cut.

A joke about going to therapy... He really went all out. Incidentally, when I was a therapist, a contortionist came to see me. I said, "So, how are you in yourself?"

Joke of the day 🛣️ One of the earliest supporters of my career was the inventor of the satnav. He was always routing for me, and without him, I wouldn't be where I am today.