Sorry for the lack of a schedule this week! Since I've been having to attend a lot of meetings/appointments at work, I'm struggling just to get enough sleep. I'll try to squeeze in a stream or two this weekend so please wait warmly for me!! Thank you! 😖

the hardest pill for me to swallow as a vtuber was that, no matter how kind you try to be to everyone, after a certain point people who VERY vocally hate you will appear. they'll try and tear you down. it can't be helped. sometimes i don't think i'm 100% mentally cut out for it. it's hard because you stop being able to mess up. the past when you didn't know any better becomes more embarrassing, since you're never allowed to live down even small failures. you gotta choose all your words super carefully or someone will deliberately misconstrue them and paint you as the bad guy no matter how gently you try to convey something to your fans. for someone like me who only ever wanted to be silly and have fun making content, i never wanted to draw ire. i never expected so many people to twist my words or try and deliberately find fault in me in the first place. and everyone says to just brush it off, don't let it get to you, focus on the good, ignore the bad, etc. if you show weakness, many people will think less of you. being a public figure involves a lot of mental gymnastics and learning to stomach tough things. many people care more about perception than reality, more often than not. i think it takes a lot of strength to strive to be kind regardless of the circumstances/doubts being cast on you. i love vtubing because i love my community and i love entertaining people. i just wish the stress didn't weigh on me so much some days, atop all the other stress in my life right now. i know it's bad to admit, but it's the truth. people will at times thoughtlessly criticize even the decisions i make for the sake of my own happiness, such as my decision to rebrand/retheme next year. there's a lot i'd go back and re-do as a vtuber, if i could. but i can't do that. i'm not perfect by any means nor will i ever be. i have a lot of burdens i have to shoulder and i feel like sometimes i'm stuck trying to figure out the best dialogue option. even on the days i feel troubled and unhappy though, i'll keep doing my best and pursuing this path. things might not improve. in fact, they might get worse the more i grow. but hopefully i can become someone strong enough to endure anything thrown at me. if nothing else, i promise i'll never stop trying to do better for you all.

out of curiosity, what kind of stuff do you guys normally watch to help ya sleep? 🤔 I've been struggling to find good youtube channels to put on while I drift off lately. i usually lean towards 1-2 hr gaming videos myself!