Danielle Baker

“You see, down South, we don’t deal with all that tomfoolery that y’all are dealing with over there in New York City, California, Maine, Minnesota, or any of those woke states. We don’t deal with that. You see, around these parts, yeah, around these parts, we believe in God, guns, and butter, and in that order. God, and His name is Jesus Christ. Let’s not be confused. Pretty much all of us concealed carry. There will be no “entering into every household in America.” That part. Catch it. And we love to eat, so we put butter on everything. And I mean everything. That part. And I did not mention it, but let me be very, very clear: God, guns, butter, but also, we are very, very commonsense and patriotic. See, unlike Supreme Court Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson, we know what a woman is. That part. And there will be American flags flying in everybody’s yard, okay? So, if you have a problem with that, you may not want to move down South. Yes, the homes are cheaper, but they look just as good as those high-priced homes y’all are paying for up North and on the East and West Coasts. That part. We’re comfortable classifying all the white boys in the Cajun Navy as our friends. That part. You see, when the tornadoes and hurricanes happen, they come on through, and they don’t care what color the hand is that they’re helping. That part. Our men are not emasculated. At least around these parts, they ain’t. And chivalry sure enough ain’t dead. And last but not least, we believe in keeping our babies around here, okay? So, I lied to your oddball over there: You will not be entering into every household in America. And all that yelling and screaming in pro-lifers’ faces around these parts doesn’t work. You feel me? Because we hit back. That part. God bless. Welcome to the South.”