the world isn't ready for me #TheGentlemanUnleashed

we're all gonna doodoo ourselves eventually so you might as well start early and get good at it

its very important to avoid videos with GRUESOME INJURY in the title

losing is so much worse than winning

my goat

you can just sit on the roof and stare straight at your neighbor's house to assert dominance

overcoming a fear of heights is super easy if you have a leaky roof and need to keep climbing up on it to try half-assed ways to fix it

snooki was an innovator

bad ass

poop weighs in on the pee situation

i just saw a hobbit at the grocery store #iJustSawAHobbitAtTheGroceryStore

old little polish women scare me it always seems like they have nothing to lose

who else is awake and being tortured by The Torturer

the milwaukee bucks jersey sponsor is one letter away from urine

digiorno has to have the most false slogan of all time no one has ever mistaken that for delivery pizza

if a buffet costs $145 i'm staying the night you're subletting

does anyone want to meet up later and performatively laugh at things that are awkward/humorous