Advice from a Dean: a lack of self-awareness has never stopped someone from failing up

Today I was told to halt a scholarship I announced would be named in honor of an emeritus faculty, by that faculty... Thankfully I never actually started the paperwork! Crisis averted. 😎

You ever been dangled off a belltower after talking back to the provost in a meeting? Yeah, me neither...

Once again, my proposal for a Dean's Lounge has been shock down again by @SrAssocVProvost Guess I'll have to settle for the couch in @HigherEd_ITGuy's office.

I'm not sure why I'm still on this app?

Dear Faculty, There is a minor error in the payroll system we switched to without warning. No worries though, you will all be paid... eventually.

The College of Engineering just contacted me today. They want to organize a mixer so that their students can meet students who touch grass. They're afraid their students aren't ready to touch grass directly yet.

Help! I was supposed to write a budget. Someone good at math start putting suggestions below

I wasn't going to tell you this, but we all could have gotten associates and been happy. Instead we're here, but at least we're together.

I'm not sure who I'm more afraid to sign random documents for, @HigherED_Ass or @ass_deans This doesn't mean I'll start reading them, I just wanted to acknowledge my feelings.

Advice from a Dean: Going outside on a nice day can boost your mental health, but you need to write. So crack the window as you do!

Dear Faculty, It has come to the administration's attention that some of you are unhappy. We want you to know that we hear you, and thus would like you save your grievances for your personal time.

Dear Students, There will be a graduate student appreciation post next Thursday, I encourage all of you to attend. Please bring your latest publication as justification for entry.

Dear Faculty, Finals is a stressful time for all of us. So please show your students grace and patience as they navigate the end of the semester. Also, grades will be due Friday at 5, late grade will be noted for annual review. Thanks!

Listen, I know your federal grant funding has been cut. But it's too much paperwork to change our tenure review criteria. So just get some more.

Good news everyone! The President has a new memo. No more wired mice or keyboards. It will make us more efficient

I understand that communication is important, but why do I have to talk to ALL the other deans? I'm already friends with the Communications dean!

I just sat through a training with two of the most animated HR reps I've ever seen. No idea what I was trained on, but I got a certificate!

Dear Faculty, The president's latest memo had a minor typo. We will not be building a 'porking deck' this summer. Now please stop sharing these memes or the University will start revoking tenure again...

The students found my office. They want to talk about their ideas... Do you think I can shimmy out the window?

Dear Faculty, Please stop posting your political opinion on the internet. @SrAssocVProvost is taking screenshots. Thanks!