The Devil wears Cesare Paciotti 👠

The Queen is in the kitchen

Freud is currently bouncing off the walls like a ginger pinball on meth. I’ve reached the point where I’m googling “can you legally sedate a cat with a dart gun in the UK” and realising the answer is probably no. Shame. Absolute shame.

It’s 5pm, the house is Arctic, and I’ve responded with the only rational strategy left: eating my tea and complete horizontal surrender. Heels off, dignity temporarily suspended. Scolopendra is probably warmer than I am right now and that feels personal

Had interesting feedback from my diagnosis & reading up on autism. My work related breakdown back in 2011/12 was mostly likely to have been exhaustion from constant masking behaviour and every day playing the role I did in a high stress environment.

The little bastard is generating enough heat to defrost a small Arctic research station while I lie here in full glam, heels abandoned by the bed like discarded weapons, wondering whether this counts as a successful survival strategy or just enabling.

“Street fight interrupted my peaceful afternoon of reading about aggression and violence. Ironic, really. I observed the body language, noted the escalation patterns, then went back inside to my warm bed

Download 2027. I'm not going to go for the full weekend I will see what day the brilliant Jinjer do. It will be 4t time I will have seen them

Chocolate & coffee crusted marinated lamb with red wine & apricot sauce served with cuscus #food #kitchen

Getting the racing-green MINI in February. Now I will arrive at the supermarket looking like a cross-dressing, glamorous hitwoman who just escaped a Bond film but is actually late for a forensics lecture. 2027 gift to myself and a mild threat to society.

Woop, woop!!! Just ordered my January birthday present. A brand-new MINI Cooper in Racing-Green with 2-tone alloy wheels.

Tonight's tea is marinating nicely & smells gorgeous. Have to make the sauce yet, that will be mind blowing. You would never guess what it is in a million years its so left field. A clue... Its from the Caribbean

About to take my culinary skills to the maximum to put together this Caribbean date night worthy meal. FYI its not date night.

Hit my 12week weight loss goal in 4 weeks. Turns out the secret isn’t kale smoothies or “mindful eating”…but pure spite, black coffee & buying a LBD two sizes too small. Now the skirts fit, the heels still hurt & Scolopendra looks slightly less judgemental. Peak transformation.

I love Carolina Herrera "Good Girl Elixir" Smells amazing. An unwanted Xmas present now mine, 80 quid well worth spent.

Just dropped a small fortune on a new PVC outfit, wigs, a pair of boots that could double as weapons, organ transport bag, & a book on dinosaurs. Priorities sorted. The rest of the men can keep buying beige jumpers & trainers from Sports Direct.

Jack Daniels Blackcurrant and a book tonight.

I have a long curly blond wig, but just ordered these two as a change up

Kitchen cleaned just got the washing up pile to do. Ill do anything to distract me from shaving my face, legs & chest today.

Just bought a pair of open toe thigh boots & a new carry bag/ lunch box which looks like an organ transplant transport bag. Welcome to my quirks

Very good Evri at fucking up my delivery. I waited in all day & you claim you couldnt deliver. Nice picture you took, shame thats not my house in it.