Drytown

My children's picture book about an anthropomorphic rear-end's first day of school is now available on Amazon--FREE Kindle Unlimited ebook. Please download, enjoy, and review. Thank you! #WritingCommunity #ChildrensBooks #children amazon.com/dp/B0B76P23PN/ref…

I assume all my exes are lesbians now.

I just want to get my drinking down to the amount I tell my doctor it's at.

Friend: What do they have in Chinatown? Me: Just a bunch of junk made in China. Friend: Awesome! Me: Uh, yeah.

Screw social media, I think a person's calculator history should be publicly available. I can feel some of you sweating.

I sometimes hear people say employers reject them cuz they're overqualified. Why don't these people just leave some qualifications off their resume/interview? They're in control of that, aren't they? If that were me and I kept having that problem, I'd just keep my PhD on the DL🤔

My favorite part of the 'Bad' music video is where Wesley Snipes accuses Michael Jackson of turning into a sissy, and Jackson proceeds to prove him wrong by performing a flamboyant 4-minute dance routine.

"You'll hear the term 'gangbang' 27 times a day," definitely wasn't on my 2026 bingo card.

Ever notice how people say 'not to be too graphic' right after telling you the grossest thing you've ever heard?

For guys, every Halloween costume is slutty.

Ever the trailblazer, I was afraid of my embarrassing dancing in public way before the advent viral videos.

"I wonder if Woodrow Wilson is in hell right now..." and other random thoughts.

The male flight attendant caught me tearing up to an in-flight movie. Now he's going to go back to England and tell his friends what a pussy I am 😟

I'm so high right now! Also, very high.

"If word gets out about this, Kwazy Klown Airlines will be a laughingstock." Dude. You got me flying on this plane, I'm cancelling my trip.

Damn it, the weed kicked in well before I got on the plane 😬

Wasn't the whole idea of autopilot to be able to get drunk and have your car legally drive you home? That was mine.