Dylan Murphy

I think it's safe to say George Michael is never gonna dance again.

Amazon's top suggested "Gifts For Her": vacuum cleaner and a set of luggage. Merry Christmas! Now clean my apartment and get the fuck out.

Anyone who died for a flag needs to check their priorities. You know you can just buy another one... right?

So Orange is literally the new Black, right?

They called a penalty on BUFs defense but that's impossible. There's no defense in sight. #BUFvsSEA

If it's Election Season, then why can't we shoot 'em? Am I right!? Subtitle: how to make your ISP to monitor the connection. #Election

It's a pre-set amount based on your approx. salary and how many offenses you've had.

Only way one of these candidates wins by a landslide is if their opponent visits CA and they literally die in a landslide. #Debates2016

Moderation is a dead art #debatenight

Pour some of your lemonade and some of your iced tea out for your homie #arnoldpalmer

I just got prescribed Nitrates for chest pain, which means I'm fucked.

After this much time on social media, I think we should just make "lit" and "fam" a compound word.

I think maybe you should hold off on using #ImWithHer for the next few days unless you are also on a fluid drip.

For those of you who are wondering, royal succession says that a Duke will be next in line for the throne. #Prince

When the weatherman says we'll get a week of straight sunshine in New England in April.

Janet and Justin surprisingly missing from #PepsiHalftime at #SB50

Apparently the Atlanta Falcons have reached out to Sean Payton about a job with the organization. Wow.

If anyone in Australia posts #spoilers for 2016 I'm gonna be pissed.

Process notices, I hope. #WhatSantaDidntDeliver

#IStillFacebookBecause I haven't figured out Twitter yet.