📜Storyteller | 📑Writer | 😜Satirist |🎸Guitarist | 💡Creative
Earth
Joined February 2016
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SATIRE—"Disorder seems firmly rooted in the culture here. As such, most people participate in the activity out of compulsion rather than desire for change. Nothing proves this better than the speed at which we’re tossed right back to default settings within a matter of hours!"
I'VE BEEN BLOCKED!!😭
I woke up this morning to the discovery that Professor @SpireJim has blocked me. My world has come to a screeching halt!! I've been blocked for my dissenting views about the professor's unwavering philosophies regarding the Church, on a recent post of his.
Even while he occasionally used patronizing and mocking language, I did my best to keep a respectful atmosphere and maintain decorum. I only used Scripture, the Wisdom of God and, of course, a pinch of satire. I'm guessing that as a satirist, himself, maybe—just maybe—he couldn't imagine anybody challenging him using the same tool of his trade.
Ironically, I'm actually a fan of some of his work, and I've even written some nice things about him in a story on my blog.
Aghast at this development, it has finally dawned on me that the professor is probably not as dispassionate, or fair, or as rational, or even as secure in his knowledge as many think. Push a few buttons and his insecurities come gashing like a flash flood. He has built this flawless façade of a man that knows it all and, as such, must never be challenged, or else!!
What a shame!!
But, hey, it's a free world! Anybody is at liberty to block anybody!👍🏾😄
It might totally shock you to discover that the Pharisees are the ones I'm handling right now as I type this!
My initial response to your post wasn't my own invention, but an actual scripture that addresses this matter. However, you retorted with, "so many paragraphs"...blah blah. How's that working out for you who doesn't "choose to read the Bible conveniently!"?🤔
Also, I'm not shielding anybody. I wouldn't do that. I'm merely recounting what Jesus said. Again, nobody has scammed me. I'm not aggrieved. You, however, seem to be, and I'm genuinely sorry that you are!
I'm quite certain that you're NOT a propagandist, which is why I'm more than confident that if you've been manipulated, you'll swiftly open a case at the nearest police station so the perpetrators can be dealt with according to the laws of the land. Short of that, your spirited fight tells where you belong!!
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What should be more concerning is that you, like many others, seem to think you're wiser than the Man of the House; the Founder of the Church!
In the Bible, in the book of Matthew, Jesus tells the story of a man that sowed good seeds (of wheat) in a field and, soon after, the enemy came and planted tares as well. Wheat & tares literally look the same, but are different. One, good, and the other, harmful and poisonous.
When the servants of the owner of the field told him what had happened, and asked if they should go to the field and uproot the tares, he told them not to, or they might end up uprooting the wheat too!
The master told them the wheat would be separated from the tares at the time of harvest. He would keep the wheat and destroy the tares.
Moral: Jesus is the Master. The wheat are His sons. Tares are the devil's sons. They're both in the same field. The LORD says He'll handle the issue of the two, Himself, at the end of time; lest people with clouded judgment end up uprooting His sons in the process.
You might be shocked to discover that obsessing about matters that are outside your range isn't the most brilliant idea!
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EM retweeted
When a “musezi” starts praising you as a great person with a great family, are you supposed to be excited about the compliment or be very worried! This is the same thing as when those who do not believe in Christ start to advise us on which church is good and which one is bad!
I love happy endings! Coming soon to a congregation near you!😂
ANANIAS AND SAPPHIRA ARE SPEAKING TO US FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE
During the onset of the church lived a seemingly affluent couple; Ananias and his wife Sapphira. As is usually the case with that kind, I think they craved a bit of attention and acclaim that their standard of living deserved. Today, I’d say they loved to be socialites, so often jumping onto or initiating Tiktok challenges hoping to trend.
So when they heard that believers, perhaps of less social status, were selling their lands or houses and taking all the proceeds to the Apostles, they had to seize the moment or rather jump onto the challenge.
To paint a proper picture of what was trending in the church at the time, it is what is referred to as stealing from the poor today. The Apostles are among the chief pioneers of this craft. Shameless!!!
Anyway back to the story, fast enough Ananias and Sapphira sold one of their prime properties and brought a fraction of the money to the Apostles. Up to this point, there was no problem. But desiring to maximize the clicks and likes they anticipated to get once the bloggers found out about their generous giving, they conspired and lied to the Apostles that they had actually brought the total sum from the sale of a piece of land.
But somehow one of the “false prophet” of the day, Peter, by chance figured out that they were lying. Or perhaps it was Ananias’ errand boy that whispered in Peter’s ears that he had overheard his master scheming to lie to the Apostles. (I find this a more logical explanation.)
For merely lying to mere human beings, Ananias and Sapphira died instantly. They did not call the Apostles “miyayus” nor “bafere”. Nope. They didn’t dare or challenge the Apostles’ spiritual credentials. They did not denounce God, question the resurrection of Jesus nor defame the Bible as a colonial construct meant to grab their lands. They simply told a teeny-tiny lie, it seemed, but paid the ultimate price.
But before they passed on, Peter admonished them thus; “Why have you conceived this thing in your heart? YOU HAVE NOT LIED TO MEN, BUT TO GOD.” To the wife, Peter asked; “How is it that you have agreed together to tempt the SPIRIT OF THE LORD?”
They must have died confused wondering when they lied to the God or tempted the Spirit of the Lord. Sure, they must have sought urgent clarification as soon as they checked in the other side, inconsequential as it was.
Today Ananias and Sapphira are speaking to us from beyond the grave. Their misfortune was written for our learning that we don’t suffer a similar fate. Their experience should be a lesson to us, never to treat as common the emissaries of God.
But the story has a happy ending. After the couple’s sudden death, great fear came upon all the church, and upon as many as heard these things. No jokers joined the church, but the people magnified them. AND BELIEVERS WERE THE MORE ADDED TO THE LORD, MULTITUDES BOTH OF MEN AND WOMEN.
To this end, our hearts are inditing a good matter because all things work together for our good. That’s the mystery of God. The Ananiases and Sapphiras of today may be chasing after views, likes and trends, but God is chasing after souls and bringing a glorious end to this episode. It was recorded in the Bible centuries ago.
EM retweeted
ANANIAS AND SAPPHIRA ARE SPEAKING TO US FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE
During the onset of the church lived a seemingly affluent couple; Ananias and his wife Sapphira. As is usually the case with that kind, I think they craved a bit of attention and acclaim that their standard of living deserved. Today, I’d say they loved to be socialites, so often jumping onto or initiating Tiktok challenges hoping to trend.
So when they heard that believers, perhaps of less social status, were selling their lands or houses and taking all the proceeds to the Apostles, they had to seize the moment or rather jump onto the challenge.
To paint a proper picture of what was trending in the church at the time, it is what is referred to as stealing from the poor today. The Apostles are among the chief pioneers of this craft. Shameless!!!
Anyway back to the story, fast enough Ananias and Sapphira sold one of their prime properties and brought a fraction of the money to the Apostles. Up to this point, there was no problem. But desiring to maximize the clicks and likes they anticipated to get once the bloggers found out about their generous giving, they conspired and lied to the Apostles that they had actually brought the total sum from the sale of a piece of land.
But somehow one of the “false prophet” of the day, Peter, by chance figured out that they were lying. Or perhaps it was Ananias’ errand boy that whispered in Peter’s ears that he had overheard his master scheming to lie to the Apostles. (I find this a more logical explanation.)
For merely lying to mere human beings, Ananias and Sapphira died instantly. They did not call the Apostles “miyayus” nor “bafere”. Nope. They didn’t dare or challenge the Apostles’ spiritual credentials. They did not denounce God, question the resurrection of Jesus nor defame the Bible as a colonial construct meant to grab their lands. They simply told a teeny-tiny lie, it seemed, but paid the ultimate price.
But before they passed on, Peter admonished them thus; “Why have you conceived this thing in your heart? YOU HAVE NOT LIED TO MEN, BUT TO GOD.” To the wife, Peter asked; “How is it that you have agreed together to tempt the SPIRIT OF THE LORD?”
They must have died confused wondering when they lied to the God or tempted the Spirit of the Lord. Sure, they must have sought urgent clarification as soon as they checked in the other side, inconsequential as it was.
Today Ananias and Sapphira are speaking to us from beyond the grave. Their misfortune was written for our learning that we don’t suffer a similar fate. Their experience should be a lesson to us, never to treat as common the emissaries of God.
But the story has a happy ending. After the couple’s sudden death, great fear came upon all the church, and upon as many as heard these things. No jokers joined the church, but the people magnified them. AND BELIEVERS WERE THE MORE ADDED TO THE LORD, MULTITUDES BOTH OF MEN AND WOMEN.
To this end, our hearts are inditing a good matter because all things work together for our good. That’s the mystery of God. The Ananiases and Sapphiras of today may be chasing after views, likes and trends, but God is chasing after souls and bringing a glorious end to this episode. It was recorded in the Bible centuries ago.
EM retweeted
Jesus refused to perform signs on demand for those who only wanted spectacle. The apostles did not set up verification wards for sceptics. Scripture records both extraordinary healings and the reality that some remained sick.
Faith means everything to many of us, and in a deeply conservative society like Uganda, where many people are afraid to question spiritual leaders, we must understand that Frank Gashumba is questioning claims of miracles, not God or faith. Pastors should not be defensive about honest questions that are already in the hearts of many Ugandans.
Did your name ever land you in a pot of hot soup? Well, mine did in September! 100% true story!
On one of those days towards the close of last month, I was having a chat with somebody when a certain guy lurking around overheard me being called Emuron! I've probably said it a couple of times here that my name literally means Doctor. That's pretty much how the doors of trouble swang open for me.
This eavesdropper, who's obviously a native, had absolutely no idea that this was merely my name rather than my profession! What followed is perhaps the most bizarre situation I've ever dragged my stupid self into!
After my original conversation, the next thing I know is that this eavesdropper is pulling me to the side and, with a gentle, whispery tone of voice, he asks:
"So, you're Emuron?".
"Yes, I am!" I answer majestically and confidently like someone that knows their name.
"Okay, my lady has a problem and I don't know if you can help me!" he wondered.
This is when my non-physical eyes started to bulge! Right there, it dawned on me that this guy probably thinks I'm a medic. Also, I don't really know what mad spirit entered me at that point, but I said, "Okay!". That was pretty much an invitation for him to continue narrating his lady's situation to me.
I'm thinking, "This is totally inappropriate, Em!", but then, also, I'm curious to see how far this madness can stretch. What I didn't realize was that my response was about to open a can of worms like you've never seen!
"You know my lady got a rash here, there and there!" he tells me as he points 'here', 'there' and 'there'. Y'all surely don't expect me to mention which places he was pointing at! Just know they were secret places!
My heart is pounding so hard, I thought it might jump out of my small chest. "Em, what on earth have you gotten yourself into?" I quietly ask myself. The entire time I'm there nodding my head, as if processing the info I'm hearing in order to prepare the appropriate medical diagnosis and prescription!
He then continues: "She's been swallowing pills and using cream everyday for the past one month, but the rash is not going!"
"Are you sure she hasn't been skipping some days?" I ask like a true professional.
"No, she doesn't miss," he responds.
"What pills are those?" I authoritatively demand to know.
"I don't remember," he says.
Phewks! Thank God!! This was the perfect escape route for me. However, I needed to exit tactfully and not haphazardly like some quack doc—oh, well, even though I had sort of already become one!
"Tell her to first continue with that for another month. But she can't skip a single dose! I think it will go!" I recommended.
It was then that an emergency came up and I somehow managed to excuse myself from the horror that might've followed. And, thankfully, we didn't exchange contacts, or I would've been in so much trouble right now with zero chance of bail!
Since then, one extremely important aspect of my self-introduction to anybody has been to clearly announce that I'm, in fact, not a physician.
I'm pretty sure I know how to read! The only thing I seemed to have missed is that the portion of scripture is conditional!
"Touch not my anointed and do my prophets no harm...unless they're escaping accountability."
Got it!👍🏾👏🏾
What you're conveniently leaving out is the fact that a few years after this, Isma Olaxes (Jajja Ichuli) bumped into Prophet Elvis Mbonye somewhere in town, on Friday 26th March 2021, and he did absolutely none of what's in this clip!
In contrast, the two had a cordial conversation whereby the man of God personally invited him (Isma's very own words!) to his exclusive birthday celebration which was to take place at the Sheraton Ballroom, Saturday evening, the following day!
At the high-end birthday party; with many dignitaries, celebrities, friends, partners, and well-wishers of the Prophet's, Isma was accorded an impromptu opportunity to speak over the mic. He thanked the Prophet for the honor of being invited to the party and talked about how he had been a vicious critic of the Prophet; he shared a few compliments towards the celebrant and was free enough to light up the atmosphere with a few jokes, and then he wished the Prophet a Happy Birthday! At the end of it all, everyone had a great time and Isma even got a handshake from the man of God!
But, again, this isn't the sort of stuff you'd remotely consider sharing cos, obviously, it doesn't fit the mean and deeply-entrenched hateful narrative that y'all are always desperate to propagate!
Imagine, Isma moved on from all this antipathy and theatrics half a decade ago, but y'all are still clutching on the straws!😂🙌🏾
You need to heal!😄 My Luganda is shabby, but I think they say, "Ensi togileetako maanyi oja kutomela!"
Wow! So, basically, Catholics believe that self-sustenance rather than reliance and dependence on God is some sort of flex?🤔
The psalmist wrote, "Bless the LORD, my soul, and forget not His benefits, who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases..."
Sounds like that doesn't mean anything to the people that follow the Pope! And to think that the miraculous is an inherent trait of everyone that believes in Jesus! Boy, was I wrong! But, hey, to each his own!🙌🏾
EM retweeted
Gashumba and all the witches in his support..
Pr Kayanja will not go to hospitals for you to pick a patient for him to heal,
He is not the healer, Jesus is the healer. If the patient accepts Jesus, repent of their sins , its personal faith and belief that performs the miracle.
Totally agree!! I'm a born again too, but it's really embarrassing this fake stuff that people preach in the name of God!
How do you, as a woman, explain conceiving without engaging in any sexual act with a man? Mbu pregnant by the Holy Spirit😏. Oh, please!!🙄 Like did some wind just enter you one random night or what!?
Moreover, they go ahead to tell us that the child she'll bear shall save the world! That kid better step up and save us from all this madness going around!
👍🏾It's truly commendable and inspiring that @SheilahGashumba and her cohort are concerned for the poor and the safety of their hard-earned money! Guess what: there's even a Biblical precedent to this.👏🏾
Back in the day, there lived some chic called Mary who, one day, of her own accord, decided to lavish Jesus with extremely expensive perfume that was worth a year's wages. Some scholars estimate it to have been the equivalent of tens of thousands of dollars. Maybe like $40k, or even more. Who knows!
So, anyway, this baibe lovingly empties her hard-earned perfume on this preacher called Jesus, all at once, and even wipes his feet with her nice long natural hair. Ah! Trouble is, there's a bunch of chaps looking on🧐 and not everyone is exactly impressed😏 by this Man of God's lavish style!!
There was this particular fella called Judas from the Iscariot family or something. For some weird reason, he also happened to be a follower of Jesus!
Gwe, the man watched this belle emptying a whooping $40k🙆🏾♂️ on this preacher's feet and he couldn't believe what his eyeballs were witnessing!😳 Dude is so damn pissed!🤬
Nga doesn't the ninja pull Jesus to the side and ask him what all this nonsense is about, and whether he hasn't yet noticed the speed at which the shilling is hurtling towards an abyss, plus the insane price of diesel, and the frail state of the economy?? The guy legit asks Jesus why the perfume wasn't sold and the money at least given to the poor!
Turns out, apparently, the real story is that Judas didn't say any of this because he cared about the poor, but, rather, he said it because he was a THIEF! Meanwhile, the story later takes on an insane twist—same dude went on to betray Jesus!🙌🏾
Don't know about you, but it's such a thrill watching some of those riveting Bible stories come to life every once in a while!
No one questioned God & Jesus Existence or miracles! We are questioning the stunts posed as ‘miracles’ , pastors continuously asking for ridiculous tithe from people mostly the poor every week promising them miracles! Pastors asking their congregation to donate money to fund their personal and lavish lifestyle, funds are frequently funneled into multi-million dollar auditoriums, state-of-the-art sound systems, etc!! Some pastors are using the word of God to manipulate people!
Does God have a bank account where you send all that money and most importantly most of these so called churches and their pastors I’ve never built a school, a hospital where people can benefit from!!!
Mr @FrankGashumba has gone to church every Sunday since I could possibly remember til today! He prays at the Ggaba Catholic Church every Sunday for one hour and on top of that helps the community! In Masaka, he goes to Villa Maria Catholic Church and contributes to the society around the church! I personally was baptized, did Holy Communion and Holy Confirmation at Christ the King Church, and for many years we never missed any Sunday Mass at 11am!
Stop confusing people that he said he doesn’t believe in God! He simply said that he doesn’t believe in some churches and pastors who pretend to be GOD and who steal from the poor and fake miracles! Let’s listen to understand!
There was no need for you to stand in your church and sending curses to him and his family!! Is that the word of God!?! You claimed it was a prophecy? U got the prophecy over night after his interview about fake pastors or that you were sending a threat!
Ultimately, questioning these practices is not a sign of being "faithless" or "against God". It is a rational, necessary exercise in discernment. Demanding financial transparency and calling out the exploitation of the poor is entirely aligned with standing up for truth. If big companies, charity organizations can be audited!!
If big companies, charity organizations, hospitals can be audited for transparency then why do most churches lack transparency!
