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Evil Chip Kelly

@EvilChipKelly

Ramblings from the evil mastermind of the spread offense. New head coach of the Philadelphia Eagles. Lover of visors. Parody account.

 Philadelphia
Joined January 2013
  • Tweets111
  • Following255
  • Followers142
Can't sleep, visions of Matt Barkley's 78 TD passes are dancing in my head. That's right 78, bitches! #wintheday
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ESPN's ratings are peaking right now as Suzy Kolber eye fucks the shit out of me!! #NFLDraft
My draft grades so far: Eagles, F for fuckin' awesome, rest of NFL, B for being bitches! #Eagles #NFLDraft
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I once coached a game with an infected hang nail. Beat that Adrian Peterson!
Field goals are like Vegas hookers, you might have scored but you'll probably regret it in the end.
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Nothing says football like Train. Great choice NFL, who's next, The Verve Pipe?
"@FauxNickFoles: So what's going on with my RB?" You play football?
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I don't watch Pro Bowls, they watch me.
#FF @UnGradySizemore @FauxMonteKiff @JG_3000 @larryfakedolan @FauxNickFoles @UnDeseanJackson @CoachMTrestman
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The only college player I will be scouting during the off-season is Katherine Bell.
Dear Eagles fans, I promise that I will never throw any of my 34 future Superbowl appearances.
I like my offense like I like my women, spread Eagle!
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Jamarcus Russell is going to be a great offensive lineman.
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"@ZackNogueira: @EvilChipKelly can u outsmart coughlin garret and shanahan? Im not to sure" I can outsmart Einstein, Hawking and Darwin.
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I was just followed by @NotLennay_Kekua. I need to stop letting Nick Foles use a computer.
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I have a dream...just kidding. I don't dream, I just win the day!
Spending some QT with Shurmur today. Lunch at Chipotle where I will try to explain why touchdowns are better than field goals.
If the "best" teams in the AFC can only score 20 at halftime, I'm predicting I win at least 83 Superbowls.
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The Visa commercial 49ers fan just shit himself.
Field goals are for losers.
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