(A Parody Account Examining the Mayflower, Arkansas Oil Disaster)
Mayflower, Arkansas
Joined April 2013
- Tweets201
- Following326
- Followers1.4K
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Exxon Cares, Y'all retweeted
Our eyes might be fooling us, but pretty sure this is a picture of anti-gay politician @TomCottonAR at a gay bar. foursquare.com/item/5451b7e5…
SUPER sad to see @TimGriffinAR2 go. Truly one of the best Congressmen ever. Pick any job old amigo: exxonmobil.com/Corporate/imp… #ExxonCares #AR2
How are we supposed to get our jobs done with paparazzi chasing us everywhere? Mayflower isn't exactly the "Justin Bieber of Oil Disasters".
Don't give $ to these "journalists": bit.ly/14cAucs Mayflower needs more Swifferducks, not more transparency.
What?! Investigative journalists want $ to report on Mayflower spill? Give *us* your $ instead. We need paper towels! bit.ly/14cAucs
Does anyone know how to get a hold of @markdarr? He dropped this paper bag full of $100s & we would like to return it bit.ly/16e8GVj
Just texted "hmd" to Mother Earth. That's more than adequate, right? #ExxonCares #MothersDay
Perfect! We needed replacement ducks in #Mayflower. RT @FOX16News Peabody Ducks March For Final Time In Little Rock bit.ly/18lgDYn
The best thing about oil pipeline ruptures in a suburb: Easy access to five dollar footlongs! #ExxonCares #EatFresh
Congrats, Manti Te-O! (We're sad you rejected our Lead Spokesman offer, though) cbsprt.co/11r4ej8 #LennayIsInHeaven #LakeConwayAllClear
Great pic of our lead scientist debunking spurious claims (bit.ly/Y24aJQ) oil is in Lake Conway #ExxonStrong
Hey America, if you could buy regular unleaded or regular unleaded with snake parts, you'd like that right? (Asking for a friend.) #EarthDay
In honor of #EarthDay, we're recycling the oil spilled in Arkansas. Just need to filter out these dead ducks and fish first... #ExxonCares
In honor of #EarthDay, we won't spill any oil all da...oh shit. Nevermind. BRB. #ExxonCares
Happy #420, Arkansas! Anyone need a giant, recently excavated pipe with a pre-cut, 22' carb? #ARoilspill #kxl twitpic.com/ckr3cg
"Is it clean yet? Is it clean yet?" Gah! Keep asking and I swear to God I'll turn this #oilspill around and go back to Canada RIGHT NOW.
If @NateBell4AR resigns over this tweet (bit.ly/118aE6r), we'll hire him for our crisis communications. AR "Apology" experts needed!
We're sorry: Mayflower PD should only use mace to disable environmental activists. Tasers could lead to an explosion! bit.ly/11xYLbr
We're enlisting help in delivering "sorry" payments to the Northwoods subdivision residents: bit.ly/Z16u2l
Like a beautiful snowflake RT @JessicaDean @TimGriffinAR2 told me he can't compare the Pegasus to Keystone b/c "every pipeline is different"